


two broken halves of one whole

by whochanwoo



Series: times jeno thinks jaemin lives up to his "special friend" title [5]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1920s, Alternate Universe - Boom (NCT Dream Music Video), Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Romance, Boys Kissing, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Character Death, Private School, bless Jeno's soul tbh, theyre both so so very soft and i live for them pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26483437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whochanwoo/pseuds/whochanwoo
Summary: “You have the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen on anyone,” Jaemin compliments in a benign manner, making it clear that he’s sincere.“Shouldn’t you save that compliment for a girl you see on the beach of Sicily?” Jeno retorts, still with that smile.“Why should I when I have you before me on the land of Inverness?”OrTwo innocent former prime suspects, Lee Jeno and Na Jaemin, finds that they're more similar, more compatible, and more capable of love, than they could have ever imagined.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: times jeno thinks jaemin lives up to his "special friend" title [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838488
Comments: 14
Kudos: 56





	two broken halves of one whole

**Author's Note:**

> this work is the continuation of a very well-received interactive au my best frIend did in ig [@mochi.jns](https://www.instagram.com/mochi.jns/) she's an amazing editor and this was her first interactive au where the audience had to find out who killed mark lee! she left me a lot of open plotholes which made it possible for me to write the continuation. hope you enjoy reading :)

_ “Mother was bedridden, Father said, but I knew what it meant as easily as seeping a breath in through gritted teeth. That’s what I did. I took a deep breath in with my jaw clenched. Bedridden meant she’s dying, and she won’t die till I get there. Not till Friday morning when I’ll be picked up, not till Saturday morning when I’d reach the manor.  _

_ Till the very end, Mother chose to torture me. While she lived, she threw me to the side, till she’s ready to leave for good. On her way out, she’d look for me, want me back in her life, and make me cry. Like a good child, I’m expected to receive this with open arms. _

_ I was no more than a servant to them. _

_ They gave me life, and they have already decided when to take it back.” _

* * *

#####  scene 1

No one’s ever born bad. Not Jeno, not Jaemin, not Renjun. Whatever reason his former schoolmate had to commit homicide, Jeno doesn’t think it’s what the younger version of Renjun would have wanted. 

Jeno himself didn’t want to start smoking. His sister wouldn’t have wanted it either, and that should have been enough to convince him otherwise, but it’s not. Unfortunately, what Jeno needed was an escape. He needed some way to forget, some way to laugh at anything at all. 

The school’s a huge and lonely place. It’s empty. Now more than ever after the car wheeling Renjun out of the school echoes dangerously in open air. Jeno regrets everything he’s done in life so far, from taking drugs, selling drugs, to trusting Jaemin. 

Relief from knowing Mark wouldn’t be able to expose his secret fades away in a split second, and in its place blooms a whole other fear. Everyone knows now because of Jaemin’s venomous mouth, they know Jeno’s secret. Who’s to say Renjun wouldn’t use that excuse to get himself out of questioning? He didn’t have an alibi, but he has no reason to kill Mark, not like Jeno does. 

“How are you faring up, Jeno?” 

Jeno whips his head to the door, eyes darting up to meet Jisung’s own bright ones. They glimmer under the light with whatever’s left of his unshed tears. 

Tears. What a waste of bodily fluids. Crying won’t solve anything. Crying’s just another instinctual reaction the body provides to different situations, spanning from fear to anger, and even to happiness. Jeno wants to fight against nature, he wants to go against whatever’s expected of him. He refuses to cry.

He has decided. He’s pretty loaded. Sure, his father likes to limit his allowance so it’s barely enough to scrape by in such a place like Inverness, but take that allowance outside of school compounds and he’s good to go for 3 months. He’s decided to leave sometime soon. 

“Fine,” Jeno provides as an answer, curt and evasive. 

Jisung doesn’t seem satisfied with his response, but Jeno can’t bring himself to care. Not after he found out what Jisung did for him. He brought others down so Jeno could rise, sabotaging his classmates’ tests so he wouldn’t end up at the bottom of the barrel. 

Jeno doesn’t want to be seen as a charity case. He doesn’t want friends if it means they’d treat him like he’s a child to be taken care of. He liked it when Jisung comforted him and made sure he’s not the bad person everyone thought of him to be, but once he thought it over, Jeno realises that he doesn’t want to rely on a person’s view of him to feel validated. 

“Whatever do you think transpired between them?” Jisung tries again, still standing awkwardly at the door of Jeno's room. 

“I don’t know.” 

That did it for Jisung. He grimaces, lingering for a few seconds at the door before offering Jeno a sweet smile. “If you need a shoulder, I have both sides free.” 

Jeno nods stiffly, watching Jisung leave out to the hallway. Heaving a sigh after being left alone, Jeno grabs a new pack of cigarettes before heading out to his cabin. The rain has stopped, but the ground’s moist, dirtying the soles of his shoes as he makes his way there. It’s still dark out, but a few hours more is what it takes for the Sun to rise. Jeno plans to stay there for the rest of the week.

The door clicks as he twists the knob before swinging it open. Inside, it’s warm, more than it should be. It’s well-lit too because there’s already someone inside.

Jeno stands frozen in his place, jaw clenched and eyes sharp as he glares down at the sight of Jaemin asleep before the fireplace. The fire crackles in a comforting manner, flames flickering around to illuminate the cabin into a homey atmosphere. It’s cozy, and something about the sight of someone else other than Jeno sleeping soundly in his cabin makes his heart clench. 

This is the closest he’s gotten to a sleepover, he realises. And out of everyone in this world, it had to be Jaemin.

Jeno’s still mad at Jaemin. He doesn’t see that anger subsiding anytime soon, but for now, Jaemin looks as harmless as a little kitten and Jeno doesn’t have the energy to wake him up. It’s not his first time having his cabin raided by Jaemin anyway. 

After taking a seat by the fireplace, a little distance away from where Jaemin lies, Jeno lights a stick up and takes a long drag in. As he breathes out, smoke billows around the confined space, surrounding him and Jaemin. 

“Stop pretending to be asleep,” Jeno comments aloud a minute or two later. 

Jaemin had woken up due to the smell of cigarettes and Jeno knows he’s awake. Sitting up with a low groan, Jaemin stretches his limbs out with his joints popping loudly. “How did you find out?” 

“What are you doing here, you ugly weasel?” Jeno scowls, bringing his cigarette up to his lips to take another drag. 

Silence ensues at Jeno’s question. Surprisingly, Jaemin doesn’t snap back, he doesn’t retort Jeno’s malicious words with his own insults. Something about the cozy atmosphere in the house comforts him. For once, Jaemin wants to sit in silence and experience peace. 

“How did you get in?” Jeno shifts in his place, now sitting cross-legged next to a slumpy Jaemin. 

“For someone so secretive, you’re terrible at hiding your keys.” Jaemin scoffs.

“For someone so fucking evil, you’re playing eerily nice now,” Jeno shoots back.

Jaemin sighs. He really doesn’t want to fight. He knows he practically screamed out the fact that he’s happy about Mark’s death, but that was all due to emotions he couldn’t contain. As soon as anger and selfishness dies down, he feels sick to his bones. 

No one’s ever born bad. Not Jeno, not Jaemin. He has regrets, he has mistakes that can never be mended, and Jaemin just wants them to disappear. How easy would it be if he could just start anew? He can’t now, but in the future maybe.

In the future, after he’s done with this crappy school, he’ll move to Sicily. He’ll buy a house near the ocean, get a samoyed, he could work somehow. He could abandon all expectations and be a nice guy. 

“You didn’t particularly fancy Mark—”

“I didn’t kill the guy—”

“I know.” Jaemin sighs. “I knew it couldn’t be you. You’re soft-hearted, you’re not driven by impulse. Underneath all of that brooding, you’re a nice guy no matter how much you try to hide it.”

“Don’t make me laugh.” Jeno breathes smoke out. “You’re scaring the wits out of me here.”

“I’m tired, Jeno,” Jaemin says with a soft chuckle. “I know I said I’m happy that Mark Lee’s dead but…”

“Of course you’re not happy about Mark Lee’s death,” Jeno’s tone isn’t nice, he’s spitting out words like they’re insults, but his words themselves don’t mean harm. “You’re a dick, a huge asshole, sometimes evil, but you’re not that type of evil.”

“Was that a compliment?” Jaemin cocks an eyebrow up, laughing. “Or was that something you’d like yourself to believe?” 

“What do you know about me?” 

This isn’t the longest conversation they’ve ever shared, but it’s one of the most civil ones. Contrary to popular belief, they’re not enemies. They don’t consider themselves as friends either so it’s complicated. People might think all their exchanges are full of arguments and scowls, but it’s far from that.

Jeno might hate Jisung treating him like a charity case, but he’s guilty of treating Jaemin the same way. He looks at Jaemin sometimes and he sees himself. He sees someone hiding behind a facade, which is why he doesn’t mind being around Jaemin so much. Everyone has flaws, and Jaemin isn’t afraid to admit them to himself at least. He brags about his wealth, his superiority, but there will be times where guilt and blame shines clear in Jaemin’s eyes. 

Jeno prefers that over anything. He prefers that over Jisung’s kind smiles and overly sweet words. He prefers Jaemin’s unending insults over Haechan’s fake nonchalance. They act like they’re not scared of him, but Jeno knows fear when he sees it. 

“I was a breath away from apologising to him, did you know that?” Jaemin bends his knees close to himself, hugging them as he props his chin on top of them. “I didn’t get to.” 

Jaemin doesn’t like Jeno. He doesn’t hate Jeno or anything, he just doesn’t have any care towards the guy. However, he trusts Jeno. 

“Your ego stood in the way, didn’t it?” Jeno guesses correctly. He leans closer to the fireplace and tosses his cigar in them, putting them out in an instance. “Or did he die before that could happen?”

Maybe they shouldn’t be talking about Mark in such a morbid way, but it’s not like Jeno cares. He’s pretty sure Jaemin doesn’t too. 

“Ego,” Jaemin mumbles.

Jeno doesn’t want to talk any longer. He came here to think of something else, drink a bottle from his stash and waste the night away in solitude. Jaemin has really pushed it by ruining his plans. 

“While you wallow in guilt, I’ll take my leave and go find somewhere else to be alone.” Jeno heaves a long sigh out, pushing himself to get up. 

“I was thinking of apologising to you too.” Jaemin chuckles again. Not because he finds it funny, but because he thinks not treating the situation seriously would hide the vulnerability he’s forced to display. 

“Let me guess, your ego stopped you again?” Jeno scoffs. He adjusts his clothes, preparing to leave the cabin. “I don’t need your apology anyway.”

“I’ll come around.” Jaemin nods, like he’s already sure he’d apologise to Jeno one day. “Not today.”

“I wish you the best of luck,” Jeno spits out in sarcasm.

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 2

It feels as if everyone’s unconsciously tipping around each other, acting like they’re walking on eggshells. After that night, everything changed. Some of the boys continue to chat with each other but it’s obvious whatever trust they had before has evaporated into dust. 

Everyone’s changed, somehow. Except Jaemin.

Jaemin acts the same; uncaring, insensitive, and condescending. Of course, everyone’s pretty used to it so it’s not a surprise. There’s some sort of comfort in seeing Jaemin still the same, like that night wasn’t much of a trauma ingrained into their minds. Jeno thinks Jaemin’s just bullshitting his way through.

He’s pretty shaken up. He’s getting more and more paranoid the more time goes on. Anytime now, the police—or worse, his father—could come barreling through his door and send him somewhere even further than here. When Jeno sees Jaemin picking on Haechan just for the fun of it, he can’t help but to think back to the conversation they had. Jaemin should be just as shaken up as he is.

Now, Jeno’s not dumb. Even though they’ve never spoken again after that night, Jeno still sees the way Jaemin would sometimes look out the window, at the direction of where Mark’s body was found. And he’d remember the apology Jaemin told him about.

Even if the other boys shun Jaemin away, disliking his attitude during such times, Jeno sees the most genuine remorse hidden behind Jaemin’s uncouth smile than in anyone else. 

It’s been about 3 weeks, and slowly, the school fills up again. Students are starting to come back from their trips, filling up their rooms once again. Next week, lessons start as per normal. Next week, Jeno’s back to feeling lonelier than a rose growing from concrete. 

On a freezing Saturday morning, Jeno makes his way downstairs to the main hall, intending to stretch before his daily run. As he laces himself up in his running shoes, a clatter right outside the doors catches his attention. A moment later, he sees Jaemin emerge through the entrance. He reeks of alcohol, his clothes and hair are askew, and there are traces of dried tears staining his cheeks. 

“Jeno!” Jaemin excitedly yells, grinning wide. 

Instinctively, Jeno takes a step back from the volume piercing his ears. Jaemin’s grin doesn’t let up, broadening even more if that’s even possible. The tails of his eyes crinkle as he laughs. 

“You stink,” Jeno murmurs. 

“Oh, shut up, this is more bearable than your cigars.” Jaemin giggles. “I think my head hurts.” 

Jeno can’t really argue against that. His cigars do stink more than anything. They’re premium, shipped from America, of the highest quality such a place like Britain could reach for. He clears his throat as he eyeballs Jaemin’s whole figure. 

“This is new,” Jeno comments with a quirk of his eyebrows. 

“You’ve seen me high, now see me drunk!” 

Jaemin stumbles as he tries to walk. He ends up having to lean against the wall, panting in exhaustion as he stares off into space. It’s the sight of an unruly Jaemin that makes Jeno stand rooted in his place, curious to know more. 

He wants to see Jaemin at his worst. 

Close to a minute ticks by before Jeno realises that he’s supposed to go out for a run. When he makes the motion of creeping past Jaemin who’s still deep in thought, the latter straightens his back as he turns to Jeno. There’s something familiar in his eyes, dangerously so, and warning bells go off in Jeno’s head.

“Have you ever hugged anyone, Jeno?” Jaemin inches closer, taking step after step towards Jeno.

Jeno instantly thinks back to the weak hug his sister gave him before he left. She didn’t have the strength to hold onto him like she did when they were younger. She was cold, frail, and she smelled horrible due to being surrounded with medicine day and night. Jeno hates it. 

Seeing as how he couldn’t be bothered to respond, Jaemin does as his own free will and he hugs. At first, hesitantly, which comes off as a surprise to Jeno more than the action of hugging itself. Hesitation and Jaemin is a rare pair. 

Next, comes the anger from being touched. Jeno’s arms hang lifelessly by his side, his head tipped back and to the left as he sighs exasperatedly.

“I’ve never gotten a hug.” Jaemin laughs. He hooks his chin over Jeno’s right shoulder. “The book was certainly right, it is undoubtedly warm.” 

Jeno’s hands come up to Jaemin’s sides for a split second to pry him off, and what he feels underneath all that clothing makes his heart drop. Waist thin and resistance weak, almost nonexistent. Unbeknownst to himself, Jeno goes easy on Jaemin. He uses not even an ounce of his strength to create some distance between Jaemin and himself, feeling scared that one wrong move could turn Jaemin into a pile of bones. 

Wordlessly, Jaemin decides that it’s enough and slides past Jeno to head up to his room. He leaves as he comes; with Jeno’s attention on him. 

Wordlessly, Jeno goes out the door and starts off into a run. He thinks of the hug. It was not warm. Not for him. Jeno thinks of how cold Jaemin was to the touch, how frail his body had felt, how horrible he smelled because of the alcohol. 

Belatedly, Jeno realises he has just seen Jaemin at his worst, and he has been held by Jaemin at his worst too. If he happens to have heard Jaemin sniffling while heading up the stairs, Jeno pushes the thought away. 

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 3

Two weeks roll by in a blur. and Jeno hates every single day he has had to experience so far. In class, he’s seated at the very back, a few tables away from Jisung to his left. It’s not like Jeno cares what people think of him, but he hates the pity that radiates off of Jisung. 

Jeno’s strong. He knows he is, and he’s come to accept his own flaws in his own terms without Jisung having to reassure him every 5 seconds. Which is why it annoys him when all Jisung sees in him is someone to take care of, someone to protect. Jisung may have been Jeno’s only friend once, but Jeno might as well be a background character in Jisung’s life. If he keeps to himself and avoids Jisung, sooner or later he’d be forgotten. 

When class ends, Jeno rushes out of there after sensing Jisung’s urgent presence getting closer. He’s fast, but Jisung has longer legs. Jeno turns the corner and sees Jaemin with his minions down the hall. 

He walks faster, stalking towards Jaemin resolutely like some madman. Seeing that, Jaemin’s little minions move out of the way thinking Jeno’s just passing by, but when he skids in his tracks in front of them, their hearts almost lunge out of their throats. 

Jaemin seems genuinely caught off guard with Jeno’s emergence. They haven’t talked after that hug. Jeno chalks it off to some wild drunk shenanigan and thinks Jaemin can’t recall what happened, but the latter remembers crystal clear. He’s humiliated, which is why he acts like he couldn’t remember. 

“What do you want, wee laddie?” Jaemin raises an eyebrow to the roof, folding his arms across his chest as he shifts to lean on one leg. 

“One second.” Jeno jerks his head to the general direction of their hideout, asking for some privacy.

Jaemin gives his underlings a look, telling them to go on without him. There aren’t any lessons for the rest of the day, so he doesn’t really have to stick with them anyway. They’re not his friends. He doesn’t have friends. 

“Now, the last time you seeked me out it was about drugs.” Jaemin tucks his hands into his pockets, sending Jeno an exaggerated smile. “What could it possibly be this time around?” 

“Don’t be an asshole.” Jeno scowls.

Jaemin bursts out cackling, liking the reaction he’s evoking from the man standing before him. “I’m just saying you keep me on my toes.” 

Jeno chooses not to respond, leading Jaemin upstairs to the janitor’s room they always frequent. When he pushes one leg past the door and meets Chenle’s wide, alarmed eyes, he freezes. Jaemin bumps into his back, cursing as he does so. 

The janitor’s room is occupied. Jeno curses his luck. He swiftly turns around, holding Jaemin by the waist as he shoves the other out of the way. He drags his eyes up, staring right into Jaemin’s quivering pupils. Jeno likes that. It gives him a chance to see glimpses of Jaemin that’s more human. 

“What—get your hands off of me, you halfwit!” Jaemin swats Jeno’s hands away, frowning, his feathers successfully ruffled. 

Touch is evidently so foreign to him that it amazes Jeno. Even he has received hugs, pats on the head, maybe a few kisses on the cheeks. His sister has always been the affectionate type before she fell sick. She claimed that human touch could save a person’s life. Jeno doesn’t believe that it could save a life, but he knows touch is a pleasant human privilege nevertheless.

“My room,” Jeno mumbles, turning in the corner to the hallway leading to his room. 

Jaemin shakes Jeno’s hands completely off of him, huffing in frustration. Adjusting his clothes to make himself appear prim and proper once again, Jaemin spares Jeno a wary side glance. 

“Can’t you just spit it out already?” Jaemin snaps once they’re in Jeno’s room. 

Jeno blanks out. He pulled Jaemin along so Jisung wouldn’t approach him, but he obviously didn’t think it through. Now that Jisung’s been dealt with, what is he supposed to say to Jaemin? He can’t tell him the real situation, Jaemin wouldn’t let him see the light of day again. 

“I don’t recall,” Jeno says monotonously, face blank. 

“You—” Jaemin cuts himself off with another huff, giving up.

He tears his gaze away from Jeno’s challenging stare and looks around the room. He takes himself on a tour, running his hands across the bed sheets, across the clothes hung or folded to the side. Jeno watches on. In quietude, he can’t help noticing perks he has himself in Jaemin. 

They’re both lonely. They’re both creatures of curiosity. Like two cats perked up on the fence, overlooking a town of questions—a world of danger. Only difference is that Jaemin likes to cover it up by surrounding himself with people, with his own superior status, while Jeno likes to keep it to himself. They’re both predators of prey, but prey to predators. 

Once Jaemin gets to his desk, he picks up a piece of document laying bare for the world to see. On the paper, right at the top, a huge, red ‘F’ catches Jaemin’s eyes.

Chuckling, Jaemin turns to Jeno with his test in his hand. “Did you drag me here for this?” 

Mutely, Jeno darts his eyes down to his old test paper. His eyes narrow into slits. 

“Come on, wee laddie, there’s never a need to act all shy. If you wanted my help, you just had to ask.” Jaemin seems like he’s enjoying this a little too much; Jeno offering himself up to ask for help. When else would Jaemin get to experience this? “There will be a cost, however, but I’m sure a man of your kind has the capabilities to pay.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Jeno says in a low voice. He glares at Jaemin who’s displaying a set of sparkly teeth accompanied by a handsome grin. “I don’t need your help.”

“Why else would you be this embarrassed?” Jaemin’s eyes crinkle up like they did two weeks ago, when he was drunk off his ass. Jeno frowns as he remembers the hug. “I’m top of the cohort. I can tutor you.” 

Jeno goes blank. He could use some tutoring. Maybe if he pulled his grades up, his father would close an eye and move on if the drug matter ever spills out of the bag. He’s not at the bottom of the cohort because of Jisung’s meddling, but he’s shit in studies. Most of the time, he spends way too much time angsting in his cabin. 

“You want me to pay?” Jeno folds his arms across his chest, tipping his weight to the side on one leg. “We’re all some big shots in here, with heavy sugar to go with. Surely, you don’t need more.”

“Who says I want money?” Jaemin’s only a slither of what the definition of sleazy is. 

“What? I thought you were the best in the cohort.” Jeno scoffs, intending to mock Jaemin’s attitude. He knows he’s faring pretty well when Jaemin visibly gets agitated. “What if I pay but you turn out to be a hoax? Wouldn’t that just be a waste of my time?” 

One of Jaemin’s main triggers is not being able to prove himself. Jeno uses that knowledge of his to the best of its potential, manipulating Jaemin into helping him out for free. There’s really nothing to lose here. If Jaemin can’t help him, Jeno’s back to square one, but never square zero. 

Jaemin’s a skilled master at manipulating people to bend and conform to his will, but Jeno’s learnt how to weave around that after months of interacting with Jaemin. 

“I’m not a hoax. You do know I’m actually the top student of the cohort, right?” Jaemin tips his head to the right just a tad. It seems as if his pretentious nature has disappeared and is replaced with genuine wonder. “Do you not see my glorious name on the ranks in the hallways when you go out for a run every morning?” 

“I do.” Jeno nods. “However, a great learner isn’t necessarily a good teacher.” 

Jaemin rolls his eyes to the back of his skull, his head going with him as he rounds a full 360 degrees. “And your final conclusion is to schedule another meeting with failure?”

“Better than paying a hoax like you to teach me,” Jeno murmurs dismissively, pretending to wave the situation away. “Beat it, won’t you?” 

Before he knows it, Jeno has a face full of paper. Jaemin slapped his face with his failed test results, grumbling as he did so. With a click of his tongue and a sharp frown, Jeno snatches the document away before crumpling it up. He’s about to curse, about to push Jaemin away, but doesn’t get the chance to. 

“You pay if you get results, how does that sound to you? One month, I’ll tutor you. It’ll be perfect, won’t it? A month from now we’d have our quarterly assessment and we’d see your results then.” Jaemin rips Jeno’s test paper away from his hands, clutching it tightly. “Meet me at the library every odd day, at dusk, starting from today.” 

Jeno’s satisfied, heart full and proud, for tricking Jaemin into teaching him for free, essentially. If he does get the results he wants, it’s only fair that Jaemin gets paid for the efforts he’s put in. But if he doesn’t—again—he loses nothing. 

Jaemin stalks out of Jeno’s room in a sedate manner, eyes busy reading his test paper for whatever reason Jeno does not want to find out. 

“See you, wee laddie.” 

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 4

Lady Grace pushes a cart around the dorms every first Wednesday of the month. In the cart, stacks and piles of parcels and letters fill up the compartments to the very brim. Jeno sees her visiting the west wing of the dorms first, and it’d be quite a while till she reaches his room—it’ll be another hour or so. He chooses to leave. If he’s not back by then, she’d visit other areas of the school. 

Jeno brings along a case of his studying pens. Each one glimmer and sparkle in the light. Some are bedazzled with precious stones imported from foreign lands, some have his name engraved in gold. A pretty “J.N.” decorates his favourite pen, made of mixed metal forming white gold—the new hot trend America stirred the world with. 

Jeno has rarely visited this area of the school since the library isn’t a place he frequents often. He’d have to walk through the common room to get there, and that’s where other students spend a lot of their time. There’s Haechan playing chess, and wherever there’s Haechan there’s Jisung. 

Begrudgingly, Jeno makes his way to the library. His shoes click against the laminated floor. His heartbeat pulses in his flesh in sync to his steps. Once he pushes the double doors to the common room open, all eyes fall on him. About a dozen or so boys watch him in mild fear, trying their best not to make their discomfort obvious. 

“Jeno!” As expected, Jeno sees Jisung sitting across Haechan with a board chess in between them. “Do you have any business in the lounge today?” 

Jeno shakes his head. He misses not even a single beat to continue on his merry way. He notices how fidgety Jisung has gotten, but yet again he couldn’t bring himself to care much. Jeno chooses to ignore Haechan’s eyes trailing after him before quickening his pace to the library. 

Inside the room full of books ranging from fairytales to encyclopedias, Jeno heads to the back where there’s a round table propped close to the wall. He sees Jaemin’s familiar back facing him. Jeno takes the seat next to Jaemin in silence, breathing out heavily as he lays his stationeries on the table. 

“You’ve finally arrived.” Jaemin closes the book he’s reading shut, shooting Jeno a harmless glare for being a few minutes late. 

On his nose and clinging around his face is a pair of spectacles. It looks odd on Jaemin. It makes him look disarming, like he’s just another boy immersed in the world of written word. Jeno would like to believe Jaemin feels as he appears because the latter’s attitude towards him is considerably milder. 

Jeno looks over at the book on Jaemin’s lap. He scoffs. “You’re reading a book called ‘His Gun of Love,’ I doubt you’d want to give me a hard time knowing I can blackmail you with that.” 

“It’s an underrated literature, I don’t mind if you’d want to spread word about this masterpiece. He’s a soldier and she’s a midwife enslaved during the war to feed the infants. He was forced to make a decision between killing himself and killing her when the other soldiers found out about their affair.” 

Unpredictably, Jeno simply blinks before asking, “What did he choose?” 

Jaemin feels a tad ill at ease. He expected another mocking insult, or maybe some verbal push and shove so he’d get on with the tutoring. Jaemin was honestly ready to argue in the book’s stead. Rather, he gets an uninterested—but sincere—question directed back at him. 

“I haven’t gotten to that part,” Jaemin dismisses. He clears his throat just for the sake of it before sliding a stack of paper to Jeno. “Anyway, here’s a copy of practice questions for you. I want you to complete this now. You may skip the questions you don’t get.”

“All this now?” Jeno asks in incredulity. “You’re not offering your glorious tutelage?”

“I just want to see how much you can do by yourself.”

Jaemin mocks a saccharine sweet smile, patting the paper a few times as if assuring Jeno that it’s not that much of a stress factor. He opens his book to where he last stopped reading and settles down just as so. He leaves no room for Jeno to disagree, so the latter does as he’s told with only a sharp glare being the only indication of his hatred towards this whole arrangement. 

About 20 minutes later, Jeno casually slides the paper back to Jaemin. Seeing that, Jaemin memorises the page he’s stopped at and closes the book once more. He looks up at Jeno’s nonchalant expression, squinting. 

“Everything done, wee laddie?” Jaemin gingerly holds the paper in his hands, examining the answers Jeno’s written down.

“Utter an insult regarding my intellect and I’ll punch you,” Jeno hisses from the side, prompting a light chortle from Jaemin. 

“Well, you’re a cretin, obviously, but—” Jaemin holds a hand up, telling Jeno to stand down. “But your answers are definitely on the right track. You managed to get the gist of them.”

Jaemin takes note of the fact that Jeno answered all the questions. No blanks at all. He might have underestimated Jeno when he said they’d be done by a month. Looking at where Jeno stands on his own now, it might very well be less than that till he understands everything.

“I’m taking a smoke break,” Jeno announces gruffly. He springs up to a stand, the chair barely scraping against the floor behind him.

“Why not just smoke here?” Jaemin frowns. He hates delaying things. 

“It’ll stink the place up.” Jeno waves his pack of cigars close to Jaemin’s face, almost smacking him with it. “Don’t be a bluenose. I’ll be back before you know it.” 

“You’ll blue my nose if you take more than five minutes.” Jaemin goes back to reading. That serves as Jeno’s cue to leave the library and smoke in the common room. 

He sees Haechan playing chess alone and briefly wonders where Jisung had gone. After realising that he shouldn’t care, Jeno lights a stick up in the corner of the room. He leans against the wall, one hand shoved into his pocket while the other daintily holds a cigar. The other students are watching him, making sure not to stare. 

On a normal day, Jeno would’ve simply looked away, but today he decides to stare back. He watches their every move. For minutes on end, each one of them gets caught chancing a glance at Jeno before getting the shock of their lives when they meet eyes. It’s entertaining, Jeno has to admit. 

Jeno puts the fire in the cigar out in one of the ashtrays by the side. Before he can go back to the library, Lady Grace comes by with a cart of letters. Everyone halts whatever they were up to and gathers around the lady in excitement. 

“Name, young lad?” She asks when it’s Jeno’s turn. 

“Lee Jeno.” 

“Let’s see…” She rifles through the ‘L’ section of the letters before pulling out one addressed to him. “Here you go.”

Jeno mumbles a soft thanks before turning around to head into the library. Halfway there, he thinks he could ask for Jaemin too. He’s teasing Jeno a lot, but so far Jaemin hasn’t insulted him, so that’s nice. Jeno doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with doing Jaemin a simple favour like picking his letters up for him.

“Oh, letters for Na Jaemin, please,” Jeno comes back and asks.

“You again, laddie? You can’t collect for your friends.” She smiles at Jeno. “But even if you could, Na Jaemin has no letters.” 

“Oh.” Jeno blinks. “Okay, thank you.”

Upon entering the library, Jeno sees Jaemin’s shoulders bouncing when he laughs at something he read. At that point, Jeno feels guilty that all he can associate Jaemin with is loneliness. He thought they were the same, alone in this school, with no one to talk to within the school walls. However, Jeno comes to find that Jaemin’s alone in the world, with no one to talk to within and beyond the school walls. 

Jeno looks down at the letter in his hands, written by his sister, and he looks up at Jaemin’s lone figure sitting at the table. The realisation that someone has it worse than him causes foreign emotions to swim in his thoughts. Jeno would never have thought. 

“You’re about 4 minutes late,” Jaemin glares when Jeno retakes the seat next to him.

“Get on with the tutelage,” Jeno grumbles lightly. 

He slides his letter under his case of pens, hoping Jaemin didn’t catch that. Jeno may wish for Jaemin to fall face flat on the ground, maybe sometimes he hopes Jaemin gets punched once or twice, but never to be alone. He knows too well how loneliness can consume every part of one’s consciousness, how bad it can get on some nights. 

“Alrighty, see, you’re using the wrong methods to explain your points.” Jaemin points at one of the questions about history. “Your sentence structures are a wee bit wonky.” 

Jaemin proceeds to explain everything. For once, Jeno witnesses the serious side of Jaemin and not the snarky condescending attitude that would always piss him off. It didn’t look quite like it, but Jaemin takes his studies seriously. He likes to read, likes to write, and he likes to be the best at everything he does. It explains why Jaemin’s not taking this chance to mock Jeno and instead teach him like he said he would.

When they’re done, Jeno initially planned to rush out of the library, but he couldn’t leave Jaemin alone this soon after all of that. At the end of the day, Jeno’s still human. No matter how much he steels himself up, Jeno can never abandon his emotions. 

“What happened in the book?” Jeno questions as they walk out of the library together.

“He killed himself after the other soldiers told him they’d leave her alone.” Jaemin’s frown gets deeper. “But they raped her after that.” 

“Men,” Jeno scoffs.

“Men,” Jaemin agrees.

Jeno turns and meets Haechan’s eyes as they walk past. He blinks before looking away, reaching out to push the doors open. Jaemin walks out first—too used to having people holding doors open for him—before Jeno follows. 

“If you didn’t get anything today, it’s fine. It’s just the first day, after all.” They head up the stairs side by side with Jaemin explaining what he plans to do in the next tutoring session. “Although, you would be a bit of a dullard if you didn’t understand anything.”

Jaemin taking this seriously unconsciously pushes Jeno to do the same as well. He didn’t think he’d be so invested in studying after months of giving up, especially when he found out Jisung had to make other students fail so Jeno wouldn’t end up last again. That was a hard hit to his pride, and that was why he stopped trying altogether.

“I didn’t think I’d understand.” 

“You’re smart. You could do a lot better if you just cared.”

Jeno halts in his tracks. Jaemin pauses too, sending Jeno a quizzical look, wordlessly asking why he had stopped. Jeno’s a few steps of stairs down, and when he looks up at Jaemin, he sees just another boy trying his best. 

“Huh…” Jeno lets out in wonder.

Jeno could do a lot better if he cared. In studies, in his hobbies, maybe in other areas too. Only question is, does he want to do better?

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 5

One whole week runs right past with Jeno visiting the library every odd day of the week. He’s gotten the hang of most subjects but the one he has the most trouble with is literature. Fortunately, though, that’s Jaemin’s area of expertise and he’s apparently saving that subject for the last. 

Today’s Sunday, and after Jeno waits two whole hours for Jaemin, he figures the other’s not coming. Agitatedly, Jeno packs his stuff up. He stomps out of the school and to his cabin, planning to study a little more in solace. If Jaemin doesn’t want to tutor him anymore, all he can do about it is to swallow it up and move on.

Jeno studies by the fireplace. Before he knows it, he’s finished all the practice papers Jaemin gave him two days ago. Glancing up at the clock, Jeno’s surprised to find that it’s a little past 2 in the morning. Feeling a little thirsty, he makes his way to the mini fridge to pour himself a glass of water. 

It’s then that his door swings open with a bang. Jeno accidentally sputters whatever’s in his mouth back into his glass, coughing his lungs out as he sees a very drunk Jaemin struggling to walk. He scowls, hauling Jaemin inside by the collar before closing the door. It’s windy out there and he’s dressed in sleepwear too thin to handle the cold.

“Why do you like to treat this place like it’s yours?” Jeno snaps at him. Disappointment from being stood up and agitation from getting his privacy invaded morphs into one big emotion called anger. “Are you zozzled off your ass again?” 

“Jeno, I was looking for you…” Jaemin trails off into a sigh. He holds Jeno by the shoulders, gripping the edges of them so tight anyone would think he’d vanish off of the face of the Earth if he didn’t. “I went to your room. You weren’t there. I went to the library. You weren’t there. I thought you left me.” 

Jeno chooses not to respond. He wants to see where this is going.

“Then I remembered you weren’t there to begin with.” Jaemin lets out a breathy titter, the sound fading off into a forlorn smile. “No one is.” 

“You should head back,” Jeno mutters, not finding it in him to get mad any longer. 

This is the charm of Na Jaemin, isn’t it? Even a man like Jeno with a heart made of ice can’t hold anything against the Na Jaemin for too long. Maybe evil doesn’t reside in Jaemin. Maybe it’s Jaemin who’s residing in evil, and somehow, some way, he has to fit in. 

“I want to disappear,” Jaemin’s voice quivers. 

“But?” Jeno prompts him on. At his question, the grip Jaemin has on him tightens even more. Jeno didn’t think the boy before him had this much strength. 

“But I’m a coward.” Jaemin ducks his head down, revealing the crown of it. “I keep on thinking about it, that it’d be better for everyone if I’m gone, but I’m too much of a coward to die.” 

Now this… This is a familiar situation for Jeno to be in. He’s had similar conversations with his sister. She kept on blaming herself, saying stuff like how it’d be better if she took her own life so their parents and Jeno wouldn’t suffer from hoping for her recovery. She’d always blame herself for chickening out with every attempt at ending her life. 

“Can’t you see the truth?” Jeno would ask the same if this was his sister.

“See what truth?” Jaemin sniffles. He lets go of Jeno, bringing his dainty fingers up to hastily wipe his tears away. 

“It’s not that you’re a coward, you just want to live.”

Wanting to live is both one of the most selfless and selfish things to want. Saving someone is a selfless action, and if you save yourself it wouldn’t be any different. The only way living would be selfish is if it’s at the expense of others’ lives. 

As Jeno hands Jaemin an extra handkerchief he keeps on a shelf to wipe the tears away, he can’t help confirming to himself that Jaemin has it worse than him. For Jaemin to come lamenting his worries to Jeno, it must truly mean that he has no one else. Jeno’s jaw clenches harder the longer he stares at Jaemin crying. 

Jaemin has always been at his worst this whole time. 

“You’re the only person I can trust, Jeno,” Jaemin whispers. 

Shadows cast themselves on his face, hiding the glint of his tears akin to diamonds twinkling in the light. Even when crying, he looks to be expensive. Jeno wonders what Jaemin means. They’re not friends, they’re not enemies, they’re simply nothing. 

Ever since Jeno stopped his drug-selling business in fear of being caught red-handed, Jaemin has had no reason to talk to him. But yet, Jaemin offers himself as a tutor. Why? Is it because of this? Because Jaemin trusts him? If so, Jeno still wants to know why. Why does Jaemin trust him?

“How come?” 

Jaemin chuckles as he sniffles. “You’re trustworthy. Not like me. You won’t reveal secrets because you’re not like that.” 

“What do you know about me?” 

Jeno doesn’t mean this like he usually would. The way he’s asking now, his tone, it contains no malice. There’s curiosity regarding what Jaemin thinks of him. He’s always thought he was looked upon as cold, as heartless, maybe even mean in Jaemin’s eyes. What he’s learnt so far proves different. 

“Can you pat my head?” Jaemin reaches for Jeno’s right arm, stretching it up before placing it on his head. “The book said it’s comforting.” 

Jaemin controls Jeno’s hand himself, patting his head with it. A heavier set of tears roll down his cheeks, his nose clogs up once again, Jaemin sniffles. Jeno pities him, so much so that he shakes Jaemin’s hands away. 

Jaemin seems heartbroken at first, till Jeno tells him, “I’ll do it myself.”

And by it, he means patting Jaemin’s head. His sister used to do it to him when he was little. After the rather harsh scoldings his father would give him, he’d run into her room and curl up in her arms while sobbing his eyes out. It would lull him to sleep when she’d rake her fingers through his hair. 

Jeno starts off with light pats, soon smoothing Jaemin’s hair down to the side, and then he’s moving on to combing his fingers through Jaemin’s hair. Just the way Jeno himself would like it. Jaemin looks broken like this as he leans into the touch, like the warmth of skin is a luxury a superior figure like Jaemin can never afford. 

Jeno is sad. He often sits by himself and recalls memories of his loved one, memories of his sister singing him to sleep. He’d think of the stories his sister used to tell him of the world, of her life before he was born. He’s sad because he wants to be by her side as soon as possible but can’t. Jeno’s sad because he can't stand by the side of the only person who genuinely loves him.

Meanwhile, Jaemin is depressed because he’s never had anyone genuinely love him before. All of his knowledge about what love is supposed to be isn’t felt, but rather read. The countless books he’s finished have all given him a semblance of hope he’s never had the chance to act on. 

When Jeno retrieves his hand and notices Jaemin’s tears have stopped flowing, he asks, “Was the book right?” 

Jaemin’s face brightens up in the light of the flames as a ghost of a minute smile haunts the corner of his lips. They stand there, staring into each other’s eyes as emotions Jeno can’t name for the life of him shines clear in Jaemin’s eyes. 

Dumbly, Jaemin nods. 

Resolutely, Jeno wants to do better. 

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 6

Instructor Brigham gathers students outside the stable for today’s lesson, intending to talk about how to safely conduct horse racing. This is Jeno’s favourite subject—if it even is—because he loves taking a ride around the compounds. He loves the wind in his hair, in his clothes, the cold that bites his face numb. 

“In this lesson, you’ll learn about aftercare. How you treat your lady before, during and—yes, lads—after the race, matters.” The instructor gestures to the horses behind him. “As always, you learn as you go, so get your ladies and get into groups of 4.” 

That’s cue for the students to lead their familiarised horses out of the stables and into the field. Jeno does it easily, considering how empathetic his Thoroughbred is. She’s been a good friend throughout Jeno’s entire stay in Inverness and has never neighed a single complaint whenever he takes her out for a ride. She responds positively to Bella, so Jeno’s taken quite a liking to that name. 

With Bella in tow, Jeno gingerly pads towards Jaemin who’s already brushing his horse’s mane in the field. Jaemin turns, meets the other’s eyes, and then he grins. 

“Hello, wee laddie!” With tacitness that exceeds Jeno’s expectation, Jaemin continues with, “We need two more muttonheads to complete the group.” 

Just two days ago Jeno remembers caressing Jaemin’s hair as the latter bawls his eyes out. Now, however, Jaemin radiates a certain charm that would make girls fall head-over-heels in love with him. The air that picks up and stirs with his every move is filled with happiness. If Jeno didn’t know any better, he would have been fooled to believe Jaemin’s doing just fine. 

Bella neighs from the side, nudging Jaemin’s horse in its side. The Arabian horse responds by mimicking Bella. 

“Bella, don’t be mean,” Jeno softly chastises his horse, patting her side as he tells her to play nice. 

“Mary, be a dear, will you?” Jaemin feigns a sweet tone while talking to his horse, making Mary respond with petulancy. 

It’s apparent their horses have differing personalities according to their owners’. While Jeno watches Jaemin partake in a one-sided conversation with Mary, feeling entertained beyond belief, two other guys approach them. They turn to see that it’s Jisung and Haechan. 

“Well, with you two muttonheads in our group, we’d need another two to make up for the skills.” Jaemin snickers, eyeballing Jisung and Haechan in a condescending manner. 

Jeno keeps mum while Haechan launches himself into a childish argument with Jaemin. He doesn’t spare Jisung a glance, brushing Bella’s mane in silence as he whispers to her how beautiful she is. Even as the other three chat—or fight, Jeno doesn’t want to know—Jeno stays reserved. 

Haechan didn’t even want to join this group. He wanted to join Chenle and another friend of his, but Jisung dragged him along after telling him he wanted to group up with Jeno. Only problem is the scum Jeno chose to team up with; Na Jaemin. 

“Alright, laddies! We’ve warmed your ladies up for today so don’t worry,” Instructor Brigham calls out. “We’re going to race, and after you’re done, I’ll teach you how to spot for torn tendons or muscles, and if there are none, I will teach you how to wrap their legs up!” 

Jeno’s learnt all of this beforehand. He took the initiative to approach Instructor Brigham a few months back, questioning about horses and how to care for them. Now, whenever he attends this class, it’s merely for fun. 

They race in groups. Jeno’s group is the fourth one to go, but the horses are fast so it doesn’t take long before it’s their turn. Jeno always wins, but Jaemin does too. They’ve never pitted against each other before, but now that they do, Jaemin’s excited to know who’d win. Oddly, he wouldn’t mind losing to Jeno in this case. He feels competitive, sure, but Jaemin isn’t threatened like he always is.

During the race, Haechan covers the rear while Jeno leads at the front. Jisung and Jaemin are at the same speed, but not for long. He prompts Mary to run even faster, but the best she can do is overtake Jisung. Jeno’s still in first place. Right when Jaemin accepts his fate as second place, there’s a resounding click before his saddle slides right off his horse. 

Jaemin goes with it, falling onto the ground with a heavy thud echoing right after. There’s a deafening pop before great pain spreads through Jaemin’s upper body. He almost screams but catches himself before that could happen. Instead, he yelps in pain. 

After hearing the commotion, Jeno turns and sees Jaemin laying on the ground with everyone fussing over him. It would be so easy to finish the race seeing as how Jaemin’s been disqualified, but Jeno chooses to turn back around. Bella whines as she’s suddenly pulled to a halt but Jeno’s quick to redirect her to where Jaemin is. 

“What happened?” Jeno tries to question in a calm manner as he hops down from his horse. 

The other students part like the Red Sea for Jeno who’s pushing his way to the front. Jaemin stares up at him with a pained expression plastered onto his face. Within two heartbeats, Jaemin diverts his eyes. 

“Let me see. Sit up,” Jeno mumbles as he crouches down next to Jaemin. The latter tries his best to sit up, only succeeding when Jeno pulls him up by his unharmed arm. “Where does it hurt?”

“My arm,” Jaemin hisses.

“You get hurt quite a lot don’t you, poor little bunny?” Jeno snorts coldly. 

“Shut your trap,” Jaemin quips back.

Jeno presses on Jaemin’s elbow but doesn’t get the response he’s looking for. Henceforth, he resorts to gently massaging his way up Jaemin’s arm to see where the main injury is. When he gets to the shoulder, Jaemin yelps again, sweating so much his hair’s sticking to his forehead. 

“You didn’t break anything,” Jeno murmurs. “Just a shoulder dislocated towards the front.” 

“Well, okay, but what are you suggesting I do about it?” Jaemin hisses when his shoulder throbs in pain.

“I can pop it right back in if you’d let me,” Jeno suggests, composure calm and face impassive. He’s acting as if this is just a normal day for him. 

“What?” Jaemin shrieks. “You’re not a doctor, no!”

“Well, that hurts my pride,” Jeno responds while turning his face away. Coincidentally, he catches sight of Jisung staring from afar. “My uncle’s a doc’.” 

It doesn’t hurt his pride, really, and Jeno doesn’t even try to act like it does, but it’s either popping Jaemin’s shoulder back in or helping Jaemin get to the infirmary. That’s all the way to the other side of the school compounds, so no, Jeno will not let this go. 

“Take your pride and beat it!” Jaemin huffs.

“Don’t you trust me?” Jeno plays yet another manipulation card. As soon as he presents it on the table, Jaemin turns ice frozen. “Thought I was trustworthy.”

“Fine, but if my arm deteriorates you’re left holding the bag.” Jaemin seems uneasy, but Jeno takes the opportunity before it slips through his fingers. 

He inches closer after shifting into a kneeling position, taking Jaemin’s left arm in his hold to stretch it upwards. With his free hand, Jaemin places it on Jeno’s knee, pressing hard in fear and pain. Seeing that, Jeno cranks an eyebrow up.

“Ow?” Jeno teases him. His knee doesn’t hurt in actuality.

“Shut it, halfwit—that hurts!” Jaemin’s halfway through cursing when Jeno jerks his upper arm back and pops his shoulders back into place. 

Jaemin starts punching Jeno’s knee, hitting it with his fist as he hisses yet again. Just like before, emotionlessly, Jeno says, “Ow?”

“Don’t patronise me!” Jaemin snarls. 

Jeno simply pokes Jaemin in the shoulder to get him to shut up. In a low voice, Jeno fondly mumbles, “If I don’t, who will?” 

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 7

Jaemin goes on his own to the infirmary while Jeno busies himself with reading later that night. Although it isn’t an odd day, Jeno has come to find peace in this corner of the library. It’s quiet, it’s just the right type of warm, and he’s hidden from everyone else’s view. It’s perfect for a good, light read on a few classic pieces of literature. 

When he goes out to smoke, he sees Chenle talking to Haechan. He plans to ignore them, but startles when Haechan calls for him. Jeno keeps his lips sealed as he makes his way towards Haechan, wanting to hear what he has to say. The last time this happened, he got to know about what Jisung did for him. 

“If anyone asks, you tell them your guts told you,” Haechan warns first before anything else.

Jeno nods. “Alright.”

“I may have seen Jisung loosening up Jaemin’s saddle.” Haechan looks around, as if he’s scared of being eavesdropped. “There shouldn’t be any reason for me to pass this on to you, but Jisung’s been acting a tad strange lately and my words won’t get through to him. He looks up to you for some reason and I could only hope you’d knock some sense into him.”

“Why would he listen to me?” Jeno murmurs under his breath, smoke seeping out of his lips and nose extravagantly. “We’re not even friends.”

“He talks about you like you’re the best bloke he’s ever chanced upon.” Haechan leans back in his chair, crossing his left leg over his right. 

Jeno doesn’t know what Jisung’s deal is with Jaemin, but to arrange something so cunning is unlike what Jeno expected of him. Jisung doesn’t seem like the type to cause someone that much pain, but then again, Jeno didn’t think Jisung would go to such great lengths to make sure he doesn’t fall at the bottom of the ranks in school.

After leaving the common room, Jeno makes his way upstairs instead of back to the library. He bypasses his room, deciding to pay Jaemin a visit. 

“Oh, give me a break,” Jaemin lets out a groan upon seeing Jeno creep into his room like he was personally invited.

Jeno clears his throat, coming to a stop next to Jaemin’s bed with his hands tucked in his pockets. He looks handsome like this, hair messily gelled back like he only used his fingers to comb through them, face made of sharp ridges and exquisite angles. It’s certainly a sight for sore eyes. 

“Does it still hurt?” Jeno asks, looking down at Jaemin who’s feeling uneasy from the attention. 

“Not much,” Jaemin lazily answers, “Doc’ gave me magic pills, I reckon. Hey, was your uncle really a doctor?” 

“No, I lied,” Jeno admits unabashedly.

“You cheeky bastard.” Jaemin clicks his tongue, looking away. “Could have broken an arm 'cause of you.”

“I’ve popped shoulders plenty of times to call myself an expert.” Jeno scoffs. “Yours wouldn’t be any different.”

“This is Na Jaemin, you’re talking about here!” Jaemin’s in the mood for his theatrics, as it seems, and Jeno would usually leave before that happens but he feels differently about it now. 

Recalling the fact that it was Jisung who caused all of this and that Jaemin’s an innocent victim, Jeno doesn’t have the heart to leave. He sighs out in exasperation, looking away as he nods in relent. 

“Yes, yes, this is you, we’re talking about.” Jeno takes a seat next to Jaemin. “How many days of bed rest did you get?” 

“One week, but I’m attending classes tomorrow.” 

“Why?” Jeno frowns.

“Because I want to. Is that a problem?” Jaemin’s eyebrows twitch up to the sky as he gives Jeno a challenging look. 

“No.” Jeno shakes his head. “I have to ask, though, what are your thoughts on Jisung?” 

“Just someone I could have befriended if the given circumstances worked in my favour. Why are you asking?” 

Jaemin shifts on the bed, propping himself up higher so that he can face Jeno a little easier. Jeno makes the motion of patting Jaemin on the shin, but the latter violently flinches before that could happen. Jeno pauses with his hands hovering over Jaemin’s leg. He makes a confused sound stemming from the back of his throat.

Darting his eyes down, Jeno spots a small patch of blood a few fingers below the knee. “When did that get there?” 

“I may have hurt my leg too,” Jaemin casually announces. 

“And didn’t treat it?” Jeno tugs on the fabric, rolling it up to examine the wound. With his tone full of mockery, Jeno narrates, “Na Jaemin; handsome, rich, and a soldier.” 

“Damn right I am. These are wounds of a man.” Jaemin pumps a fist in the air, unironically putting on his battle face to prove that he’s not hurt. 

Jeno has to look away to prevent himself from cringing. He heaves a deep sigh. “Anyway, back to Jisung. You really think you could have befriended him?” 

“Yeah, why not?” Jaemin seems affronted. “He’s nice, isn’t he?”

“I beg to differ.” Jeno shakes his head. “A laddie like you with an ego that big wouldn’t be able to handle him as a friend. I would know.”

“Oh, okay, brag to me, then!” Jaemin yaps. “You have a friend and I don’t, I get it.” 

“Jaemin, I have one friend and it’s you,” Jeno calmly retorts with incredulity laced in his tone.

That shuts Jaemin right up. They stare at each other in deafening silence, the tension surrounding them growing thicker. Jeno sees Jaemin’s Adam’s apple bobbing as he gulps, and he suddenly feels exposed, so vulnerable. For a moment there, Jeno regrets calling them friends, regrets ever caring. He wonders if caring will do him any good.

“Shut up,” Jaemin’s voice shakes, like he planned to speak more confidently but simply couldn’t. He clears his throat, trying again, “What do you mean?” 

“You’d ask me to pat your head but you wouldn’t let me call us friends?” Jeno scoffs. He leans forward in his spot, stretching a hand out to smooth Jaemin’s hair down. Fondly, he tucks a few stray strands back in place. “We’re friends.”

“Get your hands off of me,” Jaemin quips back confidently, but he makes no move to push Jeno away.

“Na Jaemin; handsome, rich, a soldier, but shy. Who would have known?” Jeno mocks, his hands still in Jaemin’s hair.

“Lee Jeno; handsome, rich, and a schmuck,” Jaemin spits out venomously. 

“Why is it so hard for you to admit that we’re friends?” Jeno’s mood shifts as he throws that question into the equation. He genuinely wants to know what’s stopping Jaemin from truly opening up. 

It’s a dangerous game to play. Jeno has half of his body bent over Jaemin’s, his hands in the other’s hair, and they’re staring at each other with intensity Jaemin has never felt in his entire life. His insides feel like mush, and his chest feels numb but light. Yet again, he realises that the books were right. 

So this is what it feels like. 

This is what falling in love feels like. 

“Jeno…” 

“Yes?” Jeno tilts his head to the side in curiosity.

“Will you really be my friend?” Jaemin feels the back of his eyes sting from tears that he’d never let fall. “Even after all I’ve done and said to you?”

“Don’t you trust me anymore?” Jeno seems hurt, but Jaemin knows he isn’t. 

“Don’t push it, wee laddie.” 

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 8

The quarterly assessment Jaemin talked about a month ago is set to happen today. As soon as he wakes up, Jeno senses both dread and excitement fill every single part of him, from head to toe. He’s afraid of failure, of disappointment, of losing hope, but he’s excited above all else to prove to Jaemin that he’s worked hard. 

As he sits in class with a bouncy leg and jittery hands, Jeno realises that he’s actually nervous. He’s learnt to care because he’s decided to do better. Better student, better person, better friend. And this is what care does to someone, it makes them fear, but it’s fine.

“You’re given two hours,” the professor reminds them before allowing them to start on the test.

Jeno finds that he can easily answer all of the questions presented to him. The words just come to him, and the knowledge doesn’t stop reeling through his mind. It’s when he’s handing in his test that he suddenly has the urge to run out the door and go thank Jaemin. 

Jeno rushes to the common room to take a quick smoke break. As he leans against the wall, his legs wouldn’t stop bouncing. Happiness simmers within him, like it’s going to burst anytime soon. He’s felt seething anger before, the type that would explode if he didn’t let out, but he didn’t think happiness could make him go through the exact same thing. 

Some students file into the common room, taking their places to discuss the test. Jeno sees Haechan, and in acknowledgment to the other’s presence, Jeno offers a minute nod. 

When Jaemin bursts through the door with his familiar minions in tow, Jeno instantly straightens up. He catches Jaemin’s eye almost immediately, given the fact that he’s conspicuously standing alone by the side. Jeno puts his cigarette out in an ashtray, waiting expectantly as Jaemin approaches him.

“Hey, wee laddie!” Jaemin grins. “I reckon you aced the test!” 

Jeno tries to suppress the urge, but he ends up smiling. He mimics the look on Jaemin’s face, the corners of his lips stretching far up to his ears, his eyes crinkling too. 

“It went splendidly,” Jeno says happily. 

Jaemin tries to breathe, but the air is knocked out from him when he’s graced with Jeno’s smile. The way Jeno’s eyes disappear behind pretty crescents, the way he looks at Jaemin, the way he simply glows with happiness. It’s all too much for Jaemin to handle at once.

Belatedly, he realises this is the first time Jeno’s ever smiled. At least when he’s around. Jaemin’s eyes widen almost too comically.

“Splendidly?” Jaemin feigns his shock as pride. 

He shifts over to Jeno’s side before slinging an arm around Jeno’s shoulder. They’re both very used to depriving themselves of physical contact, but it comes naturally in times like these. Instinctively, Jeno wraps an arm around Jaemin’s waist.

“Yes, I didn’t leave any blanks, I didn’t have any hitches. Thanks to you.” 

Jeno lets himself get dragged out of the common room and out of the building. He doesn’t ask any questions when Jaemin blabbers on about being a good tutor, when they’re in front of his cabin, and when Jaemin finds the key in a hidden compartment. 

Once inside, Jaemin quickly rifles through a section under his floorboards, where he keeps his alcohol stash. 

“You even know where I keep those?” Jeno scoffs.

“Sweetheart, I even know how to drink those,” Jaemin retorts playfully.

“Is this your idea of a celebration? Day-drinking?” Jeno jests. “Just admit you’re an alcoholic.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, wee laddie. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m an alcohol aficionado.” Jaemin cackles, feeling proud that he’d manage to swerve around the accusation. “For celebration, I’ll toss up something nice to talk over. How does Bee’s Knees sound?” 

“Depends if your drink-mixing is the bee’s knees.” Jeno comebacks wittily.

“During times like these, we don’t get many variations of alcohol, do we?” Jaemin sighs dreamily. “Sometimes I wish I’m basking in the Sun of Sicily, with a lavish cocktail in my hand. Nothing to be concerned about. Maybe I’d catch a pretty girl or two.” 

“That’s your ideal escape?” Jeno asks. “Beach, alcohol, and girls?” 

Jaemin bursts out laughing. “If you put it that way, you’re making me sound like a privileged asshole wanting to run from responsibilities.” 

“Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.” After finishing up with lighting the fireplace up, Jeno drops himself onto the couch. He watches Jaemin move around the kitchen, preparing their drinks. “Why Sicily?” 

“I dunno.” Jaemin shrugs. “Jim said it was a nice place.” 

“Jim the janitor?” Jeno frowns.

“Jim the bartender,” Jaemin corrects him.

A couple of minutes later, Jaemin’s padding his way back to Jeno with two drinks in his hands. He takes one for himself, sipping on it in delight. 

“This is delicious, I’m a genius!” Jaemin marvels at his own handiwork, fully expecting Jeno to react with the same level of enthusiasm.

“Yeah, this is nice,” Jeno simply says.

“No, ‘Na Jaemin, you’re the bee’s knees!’ or even a smile?” Jaemin wants to hit Jeno but holds himself back. “I read a book on how to be a good friend and you’re not doing it right, believe me.”

“A smile?” Jeno wonders aloud before taking another sip from his drink. “You want me to smile?”

“Right, can you smile again?” Jaemin squirms on the couch, moving to twist his body to face Jeno. 

“Why?” Jeno asks warily.

Jaemin slumps in position. “Just do it!” 

Jeno does as he’s told, smiling but only half heartedly. It’s apparently not up to Jaemin’s satisfactory standards so he’s forced to smile again. And again, and again. At the last turn, something in Jaemin snaps. He takes both their drinks and sets it to the side, puzzling Jeno who’s one hundred percent sure something is up.

Jaemin starts jabbing into his waist, running his hands up Jeno’s side to evoke a reaction out of him. Sure enough, Jeno ends up yelping for mercy, tittering the more Jaemin tickles him. He scrunches his nose up, pushing Jaemin’s hands away while laughing. 

There’s those crescents Jaemin loved again. There’s that smile he wanted. Thinking it’s enough, Jaemin stops and simply stares at Jeno’s wide grin. 

“You have the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen on anyone,” Jaemin compliments in a benign manner, making it clear that he’s sincere. 

“Shouldn’t you save that compliment for a girl you see on the beach of Sicily?” Jeno retorts, still with that smile. 

“Why should I when I have you before me on the land of Inverness?” Jaemin conjures up an expression akin to fondness. 

Blood pulses in his veins just as love fills his heart. All he sees is Jeno, smiling because of him, basking in the light of the day filtered through glossy windows. All Jaemin can think of is Sicily; the beach, limitless alcohol, and a smiling Jeno by his side. All he hears is Jeno’s heartbeat ringing in the still air. 

“Is this how the book taught you to be a good friend?” Jeno asks. 

“No.” Jaemin smiles. 

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 9

That same week, on a Friday night, Jaemin drags Jeno to his room before ordering him to put on a lavish tuxedo sewn with the finest wool. The tuxedo weighs light when put on, and even Jeno has to admit that he would never be able to get his hands on such fine clothing. 

It doesn’t fit Jeno as it does on Jaemin—a little tight around the waist and arms—but he acknowledges just how good he looks. Jaemin styles his own hair back with gel, sleeking it up with a comb to make himself appear like the embodiment of money. Jeno, as always, rakes his fingers back through gelled up hair for an organised messy look. A few stray strands fall back to the front, framing his face just perfectly. 

“You insisted that you wouldn’t go if I didn’t tell you where I’ll be taking you, but look at you all dolled up for the event.” Jaemin snickers, giving Jeno a teasing swat to the arm.

Turns out, as Jeno figured out a few days after ensuring that they’re friends, that Jaemin’s quite the toucher. He’s always finding a reason to touch, or to be touched. What’s odder is the fact that Jeno honestly doesn’t mind. He finds it comforting at times.

“Well, if you’re going to put on your finest fabrics, I’m guessing I should too.” Jeno takes a good look at himself in the mirror, huffing in finality even though he’s not happy enough.

“You look dashing, don’t fret,” Jaemin comments in passing, giving Jeno’s shoulders a good pat too.

They sneak out of the compounds, not wanting to get caught in fear of punishment. Jaemin goes round to the back gate with Jeno hot on his trail. It’s a funny picture to paint; two boys in shimmering tuxedos crouching low like a pair of waddling ducks. 

“Easier than breathing, I reckon,” Jaemin comments when they’re officially out, bragging on his creeping skills.

They walk on the busy streets of Inverness; Jaemin confidently leading the way while Jeno takes a good look around. He loves watching the city lights from afar, but to be immersed in them is another experience altogether.

“From my first stay till now, I never had the chance to explore the town this time of the night,” Jeno murmurs aloud in fascination. “Do you get to see this often?” 

“From time to time,” Jaemin responds. He slings an arm around Jeno’s shoulders, pulling his friend closer. “I’ll show you Neverland, wee laddie.” 

“Tiny wee bit obnoxious even for you, don’t you think?” Jeno chuckles, shaking his head out of good will. 

“You’ll understand when we get there.” Jaemin offers him a smug smile instead of a rebuttal. 

When they do get there, Jeno finally understands. They’re standing at the entrance of a nightclub called Neverland, and Jeno wouldn’t even be half the idiot if he couldn’t tell that it’s exclusively a reserve-only place. 

As they get in line to get their names checked out of a guest list, Jeno becomes slightly more nervous. He turns to Jaemin, expecting an answer. Instead, he gets an eye roll.

“Just be quiet and let me do the talking,” Jaemin grunts out. 

“Just saying, but if we get kicked out of a place like this with all eyes on us, it’d be a massive hit to my pride and yours,” Jeno provides unnecessarily. Jaemin sneers.

When they’re up next, Jaemin puts on a metaphorical mask and grins charmingly. He peers over the list and points out two names, “Lee Haechan and Huang Renjun.” 

Jeno almost whips his head to Jaemin out of surprise but catches himself just in time when the bouncer lets them in. His hands are jittery, his mind is absolutely boggled, and he’s sure it wouldn’t do the tuxedo good if he’s sweating this much.

Jeno has committed crimes, he’s sold drugs, he’s taken drugs, he’s illegally ordered alcohol for himself, but he was never the type to place himself in the scene like this. Jeno’s not some downplayed male version of a Mary Sue. He has flaws, and one of them is getting along well with people. 

It seems as if Jaemin has finally taken notice of his predicament. He pulls Jeno to the men’s restroom and confronts him.

“You can just stick close to me. Enjoy the drinks, enjoy the music, enjoy the sight of beautiful lassies on the dance floor. Can you try?” 

“I will.” Jeno nods. “But the minute you leave me alone, I will shout bloody fucking murder and get us both kicked out of here.” 

“I won’t, alright?” Jaemin says with a chuckle. “You can be cute sometimes when you want to.” 

“Don’t patronise me,” Jeno snaps.

“If I don’t, who will?” Jaemin echoes back with a smirk. 

Jeno can only glare, as it seems to be the fairest action he could take against Jaemin. They leave the restroom and rejoin the crowd, settling at a table to the side where the drink station is easily accessible. Immediately, Jaemin takes off for a moment to get them drinks. He’s still in Jeno’s sight which is fine, Jeno can handle that at the very least.

Startlingly, a woman joins him at the table, smiling coyly at his blank stare. 

“What brings you here, young laddie?” She asks, her words two tones off a slur. 

“Nothing important,” Jeno evades the question.

“Hmm,” she hums, then she rests her head on the heel of her palm to stare even harder at Jeno. “What’s your name?”

Jeno stays mute for a moment or two before muttering, “Renjun.”

“I’m Theodora,” she responds with a smile.

“And that’s a lovely name,” Jaemin comes back right in time to save the dying conversation. “Good evening, m’lady. What brings you to our table this splendid night?” 

“I spotted a handsome young sheep sitting all by his lonesome and thought I could keep him some company.” Theodora leans back in her seat, crossing her arms right under her bosoms to show them off. Jeno looks away, Jaemin looks on. 

“This sheep was raised as a tiger, so be careful of its claws, m’lady,” Jaemin warns her, his eyes sharp, but when he shifts his gaze to Jeno, his eyes soften. “I’m sorry to disappoint you tonight but we’d like to be alone.” 

“I apologise.” Theodora seeps a deep breath in through gritted teeth. “I didn’t realise I was unwelcomed.”

“Sadly, there’s nothing to welcome you to.” Jaemin grins as he talks, but there’s an underlying meaning under all of that. 

The look he’s sporting, the tone he’s taking, the choice of words he’s opting. Jeno thinks there’s more to it, but he can only theorise. Even after months, he can barely give meaning to Jaemin’s actions. He’s a sheep raised as a tiger, but Jaemin’s a wolf in a sheep’s clothing. They’re not who they say they are, but Jeno finally comes to the realisation that Jaemin’s innate self is more of a predator than he will ever be.

“I hope all goes well for you,” Theodora says with a genuine smile as she flashes Jaemin a look of pity when meeting his eyes. “If it helps, a sheep will only get close to people they can trust.”

She does a walkout, her heels clicking against the polished flooring without a single goodbye. Not like Jeno wanted a goodbye. He just thought Jaemin would’ve wanted it.

“Brought you some good ol’ gin for the night. Let us hope it doesn’t taste like moist feet.” 

They raise their glasses together, clinking them as they mutter a weary ‘Cheers!’ to celebrate the evening. After taking a small sip of the drink, Jeno discreetly spits the liquid back out. Jaemin swallows it with a gurn decorating his face.

“It tastes like dry feet and I have no clue if that’s better or worse,” Jeno comments while smacking his lips at the lingering taste in his tongue.

Jaemin cackles, setting his glass down. “Shall we dance, wee laddie?” 

“Two men dancing?” Jeno raises an eyebrow. “You’re fine with that?” 

“There are plenty of men on the dance floor partnering up, sweetheart. It’s nothing to frown upon,” Jaemin states. “In addition, we’re Haechan and Renjun right now.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about, Haechan.” A tiny smile lingers on Jeno’s lips. “Will your ego really not mind settling for a man as a dancing partner?”

“My ego saw you smile once and thinks it’s worth seeing it up close while we dance.” Jaemin springs to a stand, holding a hand out to Jeno. “Now, may I?” 

Jeno takes a moment to stare at Jaemin in all of his glory, drinking up his presence. There’s an underlying emotion buried within that smile of his, and Jeno fears what it is. He may have an inkling, and the mere suspicion of it brings him to levels of fear he didn’t think he’d ever reach. More than getting caught red-handed for selling drugs, more than his father coming back to send him somewhere even further.

With a gulp, Jeno offers his hand in response. He gets dragged out onto the dance floor and is instinctively forced to take the right position to dance. He pulls Jaemin closer by the waist, positioning them as they should be. 

Only a second later does he realise his mistake. Jeno’s eyes widen as he takes a look at Jaemin’s expression to gauge what he’s feeling.

“My apologies, would you like to lead?” Jeno voices out.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” Jaemin mutters, putting a hand on Jeno’s shoulder.

He didn’t say it out loud, but he’s already answered by placing his hand on Jeno’s shoulder. He’ll let Jeno lead, and that pretty much confirms Jeno’s inkling from before.

“What do I do with you, Haechan?” Jeno sighs as they inch even closer than before. 

Jaemin drops his head and rests the side of his cheek on Jeno’s shoulder, catching a whiff of his cologne. “Not leave me, I hope.”

“I was forced to leave my sister,” Jeno whispers under his breath, over all the noise and music buzzing around them. “And now leave you? How can I ever?” 

As he dances, Jeno thinks to himself that this is his new want. He wants to be here, with a friend, with drinks, with chatter and music turning him deaf. 

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 10

This time around when Lady Grace visits their living quarters to pass their letters to them, Jeno receives two instead of the usual one. One is from his sister, and there’s another from Huang Renjun. 

Unexpected would be the comment that passes his mind. Next would be urgency. If Huang Renjun took the time to write him a letter, it must be some serious business. Maybe something about Jeno’s drugs. Jeno takes a seat on the edge of his bed before ripping the envelope open.

“Lee Jeno,” a voice from over his head reads the opening to the letter. 

It’s not his voice definitely, and his roommate practically never uses his part of the room as he fears the man he’s supposed to room with. There's only one person who’s shameless enough to come here uninvited. Jeno twists to the back to see a concerned Jaemin. For good reason, obviously, because he really thought he could forget about that night until this letter appeared.

“Fine, I won’t meddle,” Jaemin says with a tiny pout. He treats the room like his own, laying back down on the pillows while Jeno reads on. “But you have to tell me what he says later.”

“Jaemin, that’s called meddling,” Jeno enunciates each word with care. 

“What are you? Definition police? Read the letter,” Jaemin smacks his back. 

From where he’s laying, all he can see is Jeno’s back. Jaemin thinks there isn’t any other reliable figure like Jeno’s. Maybe he’s biased, maybe he’s not, but Jaemin thinks it’s a wonder how he’s come to trust someone this much, love someone this much. Mindlessly, Jaemin crawls closer to Jeno before wrapping his arms around Jeno’s waist, pressing close. He hooks his chin over Jeno’s shoulder, peering at the letter.

“What are you doing?” Jeno spares him a nonchalant glance for a second or two. 

“Reading the letter,” Jaemin says as an excuse, sighing into the smell of Jeno’s special body soap imported from his hometown. “You smell nice.”

“Thank you,” Jeno absentmindedly responds while reading. Unconsciously, he relaxes into the warmth, so much so that Jaemin’s front meets his back. “Renjun wants me to find the real murderer.”

“Didn’t he kill Mark Lee?” Jaemin frowns. “You can just ignore him.”

“He’ll tell the police about the drugs if I don’t help him.” Jeno sighs. “Truth be told, I don’t think Renjun killed Mark Lee.”

“Why do you say so?” Jaemin pulls away, taking a good look at Jeno’s face. “Is there something I missed out on?”

“Renjun’s a nice person,” Jeno reasons out. “He’s friends with literally everyone. He and Mark had no arguments, no bad blood. They were friendly towards each other.”

“Then, are you saying one of us two killed Mark Lee just ‘cause we didn’t get along with him?” Jaemin raises a brow to the roof. “Hopefully, you’re not indirectly confessing to committing homicide because I certainly did not kill him.” 

“We don’t know who gets along with Mark Lee, and who doesn’t.” Jeno sits back up, extracting himself from Jaemin’s warm embrace. 

Jaemin’s disappointed, to say the least. He wishes for eternity, to remain as friends, with Jeno second-guessing his every action, but that’s not how reality works. Jaemin thinks of swooping down, how easy it would be for him to simply kiss, how Jeno wouldn’t push him off even if he wanted to. 

As much as Jeno has Jaemin at his beck and call, Jaemin has Jeno wrapped around his finger. 

He could take advantage of that, he could thread his fingers in Jeno’s hair, swipe them back and watch the dim lights of the room reflect in his eyes. Jaemin could do more, and Jeno would let him. The best part is the fact that Jeno himself wouldn’t think so till it really happens.

“We could interrogate Haechan,” Jaemin suggests.

“Great idea.” Jeno moves to slot Renjun’s letter under a pile of books at his desk, keeping it for later. He turns around, facing Jaemin, before leaning back on his desk. “That Chenle bloke seems jittery sometimes. I want to know why.”

“We’ll go to Chenle first, then. He seems like the easier target.” Jaemin grins wide. 

“You’re plotting something,” Jeno points out, squinting his eyes at Jaemin dangerously.

Jaemin chortles as he pushes himself off the bed. He heads for the door, misleading Jeno into thinking he’d leave. When he locks the door instead, Jeno tenses up. 

“What are you doing?” Jeno hastily questions. He watches Jaemin approach him. He tries to move back but is stopped by his desk, the edges of it painfully digging into his waist. “Jaemin?”

“Let’s list out the people there that night. The students.” Jaemin snatches a piece of paper and one of Jeno’s pens before taking a seat on the bed once again. 

Jeno’s fear from before chips away at a significant pace when he sees Jaemin calmly jotting down names from that night. It’s not like he’s afraid of Jaemin doing things to him, Jeno’s merely uncertain what he’d do if he’s forced to face a situation such as that. Jaemin is his one and only friend, someone he chooses to care about despite what he went through for caring too much. He doesn’t want that to change.

Similarly, he wishes for eternity, to remain as friends, for someone to have his back the same way he has theirs. 

The two of them have faced the cold reality of the world, of life, countless times. Yet, they still wish for the tales told in books, in dreams. They pray for the dreams they live through in their sleep to come to life. 

Jaemin prays for an escape; a beach, alcohol, and Jeno by his side. Jeno prays for stability; a nightclub, warmth, and Jaemin in his hold. 

“We’ll talk to Chenle, then we’ll go to Haechan. Next, we go to Jisung.” Jaemin smiles. “Then, we’ll slowly confront the teachers.” 

“The teachers? How?” 

“I’ll act sad.” 

Fear gone, distracting intrusive ideas gone, they plan out what they’re going to have to do for the next few minutes. That night, as Jaemin lays in his bed, he stares out the window, at the gap between the curtains where moonlight shines through. He can’t sleep, so he stares, sees a sliver of the moon, and his mind wanders.

It flies over the moon, in the clouds, out of Earth. What he sees when he slides his eyelids close can only be called emotions. He sees happiness, he sees content, he sees fear of losing them.

He sees love. So cliche, so overrated. Yet, Jaemin thinks it’s the only emotion he can think of. It’s a very subjective term—love is—and Jaemin hates pondering about it. The books he’s read, they all have different definitions of love. Love is something worth fighting for, love is something you fight about, love ends fights. 

He wonders if he truly loves Jeno, or if it’s just a figment of his imagination. Just him misleading himself into thinking like so because he’s never had a friend before. He’s never experienced the touch of a friend, of someone who cares about him. He’s never had the chance to trust someone so much that he’d gladly let them take the reins.

And with Jeno… with Jeno he gets to feel so much. 

The books were right for the most part, but they failed to mention that a feeling worse than being in love with someone who wouldn’t love you back, is questioning whether or not that love is genuine.

Jaemin can’t sleep, so he does what he does any other night this happens; he writes. 

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 11

After lessons, Jaemin swiftly dismisses his minions who plan on following him around school to pester some kids, instead meeting up with Jeno. He sees Jeno in his usual corner in the common room. With a wide grin, Jaemin approaches him, snatching an ashtray on his way there. 

The students already gathered around at a table to smoke together frowns at first, wanting to scream at Jaemin for taking their ashtray, but he shoots them a smug smile to mum them. They settle down when they look past him and see Jeno already waiting, too scared to piss Jeno off. Jaemin cackles once he’s out of earshot. 

“I already have an ashtray with me here, you know?” Jeno frowns as he breathes out endless billows of smoke through his mouth and nose. He forms a clean ‘O’ with the last of the smoke in his system. “You just wanted to tease them, am I right?”

“You know me so well,” Jaemin feigns an exaggerated reaction, clapping for Jeno just because he can.

Jaemin snickers when Jeno merely glares. He drapes an arm over Jeno’s neck, heading towards their first target. For good measure, Jaemin sends a cheeky wink to the boys still smoking, watching their faces redden out of anger. 

“Stop picking on them, Jaemin,” Jeno says with a sigh.

They make their way towards the upper floor, seeing Chenle enter the janitor’s room from afar. There’s no one else here this time of the day. Jaemin doesn’t blame Chenle for thinking he’s alone. 

They practically stomp towards the janitor’s room, and they practically swung it open with how it bounced back against the wall with a resounding bang. Chenle startles in his spot, turning to them with eyes the size of full moons. In his hand, he holds a letter. It’s weird how he’s reading his letters in solitude like this, like there’s a secret he’s hiding. 

Jaemin snatches it out of Chenle’s hands, turning around to lock the door behind him. Immediately, Chenle starts protesting.

“Give it back! That’s mine!” Jaemin swerves the letter out of Chenle’s reach, giving Jeno a look to help him out.

Without much thought, Jeno extracts a frantic Chenle a few feet away with a single push. Sometimes, with Jeno’s mellow personality, it’s easy to forget that he might as well be a walking boulder because of the strength he possesses. 

Jaemin’s grin grows wider the more he reads Chenle’s letter. “This is some serious business, Your Highness.” 

“Drop the pretentious honorifics, will you?” Chenle barks. “This is an invasion of my privacy. You’ll face a heavy punishment once I report you!”

“Ah, you wouldn’t want to do that with this still in our hands, would you?” Jaemin threatens right back. He’s finally back in his forte, back to manipulating his way around. “Jeno, read this.”

Jeno does read the letter. This time, Chenle doesn’t even make a move to stop him, knowing it’s useless. He’s two blinks away from sobbing his eyeballs out, one breath away from speechlessness. Getting caught is one thing, but getting caught by two people he doesn’t expect to stand in the same room without ripping each other’s throats out is another.

“Aren’t you two supposed to be busy hating each other?” Chenle glunches.

“You’re so in love with this lassie you failed to notice we’re practically joined at the hips for the past month. Is she that pretty?” Jaemin teases.

“She’s beautiful,” Chenle murmurs under his breath, gently retrieving his letter back after Jeno’s done reading it. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“Is this why you were so jittery and nervous the day Mark Lee died?” Jaemin folds his arms across his chest, leaning back on the door to give Chenle a onceover. “Did Mark Lee know about your little love affair?” 

“Why would he? Arguably, I was his closest friend, but he was horrible at keeping secrets.” Chenle’s expression morphs into sullen impassiveness as he recalls his late friend. “Why are you asking? Hasn’t the culprit been caught?” 

“That’s the thing,” Jeno speaks up, voice calm. “Do you think Huang Renjun killed him?” 

“I don’t know, nor do I care what happens with the real murderer or the falsely accused one.” Chenle slides his letter under a box, where a pile of them lay in dust, waiting to see the light of day. “All I know is that I didn’t kill Mark and I wasn’t accused of doing so.”

“So you agree?” Jaemin rudely cuts in.

“What?” Chenle turns back to him.

“You agree that Huang Renjun was falsely accused?” Jaemin challenges Chenle to a stare down, not blinking nor looking away for close to a minute. 

In the silence, Chenle sighs. “Renjun once told me that… each soul was an art piece created by oneself. Our bodies are white sheets of cloth covering the art pieces. I asked him how we could rip that cloth away, see what’s underneath it, but he said some art were meant to be appreciated by only the creator. Bottom line is, he thinks everyone is worth something.”

“It explains why he’d never fail to smile at me when we walk past each other in the hallways.” Jeno thinks it makes sense.

Chenle doesn’t think Renjun killed Mark. He’s too much of a sentimental creature, too much of dreamy gazes out in the garden, too much of thinking life beyond what is. Renjun has always been quite the isolator, he spends hours between socialising to spend time basking in open air. 

He isn’t just nice, he likes to appreciate everyone. While everyone sees Jeno as mysterious and dangerous, Renjun saw him simply as a boy, a student. He saw Jaemin as smart. Although he often fought back, he has always thought of Jaemin as a genius. 

Jeno knows a boy like that, with that mindset, cannot bring himself to kill. And if he did it by accident, he would have owned up. It’s just the type of person Renjun is; hopelessly naive and brutally honest. 

Renjun wants to get out of confinement, considering how he wrote Jeno a letter asking for help. If he really was the killer who would go to lengths unknown to get out, he would have told the authorities about Jeno’s drug business. But he didn’t, which prompts Jeno into questioning everything.

Chenle dismisses himself after seeing that they’re done with questioning him. They’re convinced it’s not Chenle. If the kid didn’t even notice the two of them becoming best friends, he couldn’t have had the time to murder someone. Jaemin wants to go to Haechan next, but it’d be best if they talk it out first.

“That’s three people including us who think Renjun’s innocent,” Jeno points out. “He’s not you, he’s not smart enough to trick me into framing an innocent bloke so he can get out.”

“Well, you got one thing right. I am smart.” Jaemin shifts in position, standing by the window instead. 

A butterfly enters through the window, and Jaemin tries his best to shoo it away. He trips on a fallen mop which sends him hurtling towards the window in a matter of seconds. He doesn’t feel an impact, doesn’t feel the wall or the window breaking his fall. Half of his body’s thrown out the window.

“Jeno!” Jaemin calls out, just in time as Jeno grabs a hold of his hands. 

He tugs Jaemin back with all of his strength. They end up on the floor, with Jeno clutching Jaemin close to him. He sits up, staring at the window in horror as he huffs from the adrenaline rush still thrumming his heart alive. In his arms, Jaemin trembles out of fear.

“Holy shit,” Jaemin whispers under his breath, panting. “Holy fucking shit!”

“What do I do with you, Jaemin?” Jeno whispers into the crown of Jaemin’s head, his breath coming out in a short, ragged pattern. 

After a moment, comes, “Jeno?”

“Yeah?” 

“Is this how Mark Lee felt?” 

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 12

Once they’ve recovered from that almost-mishap, Jaemin suggests they go confront Haechan next. Jeno’s all up for progressing towards their next plan of action, but he’s worried about Jaemin. He drags Jaemin back to his cabin first to fix the guy up a drink.

“Thanks,” Jaemin mutters as he’s handed some raw burning rum. “What do we ask Haechan first?”

“We don’t,” Jeno says.

“Mind explaining?” Jaemin sips on his drink, loving the way it burns the back of his throat. It wakes him up, puts him in a state more alert than before. 

“We accuse him, say he’s the real murderer. We see his reaction.” Jeno leans back against the sink, seeing Jaemin’s eyes follow him around like a hawk. There’s that fear again at the back of his head, singing him to dance along. “We have to separate Jisung and Haechan, though.”

Jaemin nods. “Let’s go do that.” 

“Jaemin,” Jeno calls out, “take a breather.”

“I don’t want to overreact.” Jaemin finishes the rest of his rum in record time before smoothly moving on. He’s almost at the door when Jeno sighs. “Can we drop the matter now, Jeno?”

“Stop overthinking,” Jeno gruffly says, “Stop blaming yourself.”

“Well, maybe if he had two healthy arms instead of one broken one, he could’ve fought back—” Jaemin ducks his head down. Six seconds later, he nods, “Let’s just get this over with.”

The walk back to the common room’s silent save for Jaemin desperately commenting on their plan to fill the atmosphere. Jeno thinks they’ve come a long way. For Jaemin to be able to express to him a side that speaks true to his current emotions, it means they’ve moved past whatever stalemate they stood in before. 

He’s glad, at the very least, that Jaemin doesn’t feel as lonely now. At least, he shouldn’t. 

“Jisung’s not here,” Jaemin notes, placing his hand on the small of Jeno’s back. “Let’s do this quickly.”

They take a seat across from an unsuspecting Haechan who’s busy reading a letter. The frown on his face deepens when he looks up and sees Jaemin and Jeno making themselves comfortable in their seats. He clicks his tongue, folding the letter in his hands before slipping it back in its envelope.

“What brought you two suspicious lads here?” Haechan leans back in his chair, crossing his left leg over his right. 

Jeno slips his cigar and lighter out of his pocket, firing it up as he gives Jaemin a peculiar look. 

“We know what you did,” Jaemin starts off with a tone that’s extremely jestful, like he’s not about to accuse someone of murder.

“What did I do?” Haechan practically snarls when Jaemin talks. He hates the guy’s guts, he can’t help it. 

“We know you killed Mark Lee,” Jeno takes the turn to speak. 

Smoke leaves his mouth and nostrils as he talks, making him squint as it gets in his eyes. He takes another drag, seeps the smoke in with another breath, before blowing it out at Haechan’s face. 

“What are you yapping on about? I didn’t kill Mark Lee.” Haechan scoffs. “You came here for this?”

“Your alibi’s questionable, isn’t it?” Jaemin leans forward to display his signature handsome grin. “How can you coincidentally be asleep through it all?” 

“I told you, I was tired. You can ask Jisung, he saw me sleeping.” Haechan clenches his fists atop his knee, getting visibly agitated from being questioned by two of Inverness Hall’s most suspicious people. “Look, Huang Renjun has been caught, hasn’t he?”

“You think Huang Renjun killed Mark Lee?” Jeno cocks an eyebrow to the sky. 

“Well…” That prompts Haechan on to rethink everything. “I didn’t believe it at first, but—”

“But Huang Renjun is innocent,” Jeno insists. “There wasn’t anyone who could confirm his alibi, but he had no reason to kill Mark Lee.”

“And I do?” Haechan snorts unceremoniously, but at this point, he doesn’t care anymore. “You two act as if you’re not the only ones who had a reason to kill Mark Lee.”

“I didn’t want Mark Lee to die!” Jaemin lunges towards Haechan, bunching up his shirt as he screams, “I never did!” 

Haechan appears visibly rattled by Jaemin’s sudden outburst. All these years he’s known Jaemin, Haechan has never seen him this mad. He gulps as he tries to pry Jaemin’s hands off of him.

“Don’t lie!” Haechan jumps down Jaemin’s throat. “We all know you’re evil beyond comprehension!”

Jeno steps in, pushing Haechan away right as he stands in front of Jaemin, as if protecting him. “You watch the words that come out of your fucking mouth and I won’t have to deck you into the ground.”

“If Huang Renjun isn’t the killer it can only be the two of you!” Haechan shoves Jeno back with all of the strength he can muster. 

“And why do you think so?” Jeno throws the ball back. “An asshole is something entirely different from a murderer. I know you hate us, maybe fear me even, but don’t let that get to you.”

“I don’t hate you two,” Haechan responds in a snappy tone, “I never did.”

“You’re doing a horrible job at making me believe so,” Jeno says before scoffing. Well, Haechan didn’t deny being afraid of Jeno, that has to be useful somehow.

“I didn’t kill Mark Lee,” Haechan concludes. “And if you say you didn’t then, the two of you didn’t too. Why not leave it at that?”

“Let’s say Huang Renjun is innocent, what will you do?” 

Haechan hisses under his breath, shifting his gaze down to the ground as he massages his temples with his thumb and index finger. He nods a few times, but Jeno doesn’t know why he’s doing so. Next to Jaemin, the most mysterious figure he’s seen around in Inverness would be Haechan. These two are people he can never figure out. 

“I won’t do anything,” Haechan weakly admits. 

“Why?” Along with his question, Jaemin raises his head and meets Haechan’s eyes. “You preach about being nicer than me, but you wouldn’t even help clear an innocent person’s name.”

“Because, Na Jaemin, if it isn’t Renjun, and it’s not us three, it’s either Chenle or Jisung.” A mockful expression sits pretty on Haechan’s face. “They’re my friends, and I’d do anything for them. What do you know about that, huh, Jaemin?”

“A month ago I would call you pathetic for putting in so much effort for your friends, but now I can confidently say that I agree with you,” Jaemin responds with a serious tone, sparing Jeno a glance. “He’s a little lacking, but I’d kill for this knucklehead.”

Jeno disbelievingly echoes with “Knucklehead?” at the exact same time as Haechan snorts out a tired “Kill?”

“What is so special about you?” Haechan sassily questions, looking Jeno up and down. “Sure, you’re hot but I’m hotter. Why does everyone say they’d kill for you?”

“Thanks?” Jeno grimaces in uncertainty before realising something. “What do you mean by everyone?”

“Jisung, of course.” Haechan scoffs. “He got drunk and yapped to me like a little lovesick dog about you. Said you needed help and that he’d do anything to help you, including kill. I called him delusional and he said you’d appreciate him once you knew how much he helped you.”

“Jisung likes Jeno?” Jaemin squeaks out from the side. 

Haechan gives him a pointed look, genuinely weirded out by Jaemin’s sudden meek nature, but answers anyway, “He’s practically in love. It’s really obvious.”

“Did you know?” Jaemin discreetly gulps a heavy lump in his throat. He turns to Jeno, eyes wide and beady, so vulnerable.

Jeno shakes his head. “I didn’t know.” 

Alarm bells go off in Jeno’s head as Jaemin deflates in relief. For someone so incredibly skilled at hiding his true emotions, Jaemin falters extremely horribly when it comes to having feelings for someone. Jeno thinks it’s adorable, but halfway through the thought, he looks away before completing it. 

“How could you not?” Haechan frowns. “He sabotaged tests for you, he loosened Jaemin’s saddle so you could win the stupid horse race, he talks about you so much it’s annoying.”

“He loosened my what?” Jaemin frowns.

“You didn’t tell him, Jeno?” Haechan chuckles condescendingly. “Am I about to witness a lovers’ quarrel?” 

“No.” 

Jaemin purses his lips tight into a grim line before walking out, shoving Jeno’s hands off of him. He slams the door close on his way out, the stomps from his footsteps fade away in the silence that follows. Haechan spares a meek glance at Jeno.

“What’s your dream?” 

In Haechan’s eyes, Jeno seems genuinely exhausted as well, the same expression quivering in Jaemin’s pupils shows itself on his face. In Jeno’s voice, he sounds like he’s raising a white flag, waving it around desperately so he could get a moment of peace. Interacting with people is like fighting in war for a country you don’t like. 

“To take over my parents’ hospital,” Haechan curtly answers.

“Jaemin’s dream is to sunbathe on the beach,” Jeno says with a soft titter, still disbelieving at the fact that Jaemin’s lifelong dream is that simple. 

“Stop pulling on my leg,” Haechan’s voice sounds weak. He’s relenting.

“What do you think he went through that made him set relaxation as his ultimate goal?” Jeno quizzes aloud, making it sound like he’s asking Haechan when—really—he’s asking himself. “Have you ever stopped and asked yourself who Jaemin really is?”

“No,” Haechan answers.

“Have you ever stopped and asked yourself who you really are?” 

“No. What does this have to do—”

“Someone once told me that the people you hate carry with them a trait that you hate in yourself.” Jeno clicks his tongue. “What do you see in Jaemin and me that irks you the most?”

“Fuck off…” 

“Gladly.” Jeno nods. “But if you think one of your friends really did murder Mark Lee, step up and tell the authorities. I don’t know you personally but I know you’re not some halfwit to let off a murderer even if they’re a friend.”

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 13

Jeno doesn’t see Jaemin for the next two days. It worries him more than he thought it would. Wherever Jaemin has gone, Jeno could only hope that he doesn’t do anything dumb or too dangerous. 

On the third day, while Jeno’s reading in his cabin, the door opens with a soft snick. In comes Jaemin who’s half a sea over. He spots Jeno and instantly grins like a madman.

“Jeno,” Jaemin mumbles as he stumbles closer. 

Jeno watches him with relief taking over his mind. Sure, Jaemin’s tipping around like a boat in rocky waters, but he’s still safe. Jeno gives him a smile in response, triggering something in Jaemin that makes him go quiet. 

“What is your request this time?” Jeno asks with a mild chuckle.

Everytime Jaemin manages to burst his privacy bubble while drunk, he asks for something; a hug, a pat on the head. Now, Jeno’s curious what Jaemin would ask from him. Maybe another hug, or to lay in his lap. Jeno doesn’t mind as much now, he’s gotten very accustomed to Jaemin’s presence. It’s—dare he say—comforting.

“Does Jisung hate me?” Jaemin squeaks out, his smile suddenly dropping.

Jeno almost sighs. “No, he doesn’t. 

“He’s such a good friend.” Jaemin smiles forlornly. “Better than me.”

“He’s not better than you,” Jeno rebutts. “Listen, I rather have you who’s willing to teach me how to climb the ranks on my own, than have someone who opens up an easy path for me.”

“I did that?” Jaemin stands before Jeno who’s seated on the couch, seemingly exhausted. 

He doesn’t smell of alcohol this time, at least not as bad as the previous times. He smells a little sweet, like he intentionally stopped by somewhere to spray a bunch of cologne on himself. 

“Yes, you did.” Jeno grins. “You can see my name on the ranks now.”

“You’ll have to pay back, won’t you?” 

“What do you wish for?” Jeno cranes his head up, leaning it back on the headrest of the couch as he waits for Jaemin’s answer.

He doesn’t get a verbal one. To his dismay, Jaemin climbs on the couch to take a seat, but not next to him, on top of him. They’re pressed up together, with Jaemin’s legs caging his lower body in place. Jeno hates it, he hates that he wraps his arms around Jaemin’s waist out of pure instinct. 

“Can you kiss me?” Jaemin asks, tone soft and breathy, like he’s stuck in a box in the middle of a forest with a tiger roaming outside. That tiger is Jeno. “Can you kiss me, Jeno?”

Jeno could. He could. 

Shove him off, Jeno thinks to himself, shove him off and stop caring about what he thinks. 

As he stares up at Jaemin, mouth slightly agape from speechlessness, all that takes command of his mind is him telling himself that he can kiss Jaemin. On the lips. They look inviting, they look soft, and Jeno thinks Jaemin looks beautiful like this, up close in the dim light, with eyes that are practically pleading for more.

“I c-can’t—” Jeno tries to say no, but Jaemin leans his face closer till their foreheads touch, cutting him off.

“You can but you don’t want to,” Jaemin whispers. “Can I kiss you?”

“What—”

“Let me kiss you.” Jaemin tries to keep his cool, but both he and Jeno know how desperate he is. “Tell yourself I took advantage of you, tell yourself you didn’t want it but Jaemin’s an asshole who disregards his friend’s feelings. Just let me kiss you.”

Jaemin plants a tiny peck on the tip of Jeno’s nose, and that simple action alone caused an explosion within Jeno. He feels attacked, all too suddenly, with feelings he didn’t even know he had for Jaemin. His heart clenches in his chest, and it knocks the breath out of him. He’s heard rumours of Jaemin charming his way through everything, but now that it’s happening to him, all he can do is nod along.

Jaemin doesn’t go straight to his lips. He leaves another small peck on his forehead which evokes the same feelings from before. Only then does Jaemin press his lips to Jeno’s. It’s soft at first, but Jaemin cranks the intensity up by softly biting down on Jeno’s lower lip to suck on it. 

Jeno makes a sound deep in his throat, and it should be inaudible, but Jaemin’s so close it’s almost deafening. He smirks before trailing feathery kisses down the side of Jeno’s jawline, and even further down to a spot below his ear.

“You’re so pretty,” Jaemin whispers right in his ear before leaving yet another peck on his earlobe. 

Jaemin licks and sucks around Jeno’s Adam’s apple, evoking soft, muffled sounds from him that fills his ego to the very brim. He’s making Jeno do that, and that is something Jaemin takes pride in.

“Even the sounds you make are pretty.” Jaemin titters as he goes back to Jeno’s lips. 

“Shut up,” Jeno mumbles into Jaemin’s lips, making the latter laugh once again.

“Are you sure you want that?” Jaemin breaks away to ask. “Because I keep on feeling something right…”

Silently, Jaemin snakes his left hand up to cup the side of Jeno’s face while the other goes down to palm him through the fabric of his pants.

“Here,” Jaemin finishes his sentence.

Jeno hisses, swatting Jaemin’s hands off of him in a matter of seconds. “Stop playing with me, you said kiss.”

“I said kiss, big guy, but you’re the one with a rock hard cock in your pants,” Jaemin counters back shamelessly, cheekily grinning down at a flustered Jeno who’s taken aback by the nickname. “There’s never a need to be shy around me.”

“You’re not?” Jeno mumbles.

“Not what?” Jaemin passes back.

“You’re not… hard?” 

Jaemin bursts out cackling. “Well, not fully.”

“That’s humiliating,” Jeno breathes out in a sigh. 

“Nearly not as much as someone asking a stranger for a hug,” Jaemin says with a shrug.

Jeno breaks out into a grin as he hears that. “I wonder who that is.”

“Who knows?” Jaemin’s voice fades out as he kisses Jeno again. 

This round, however, has a different vibe to it. The previous round, there was a surge of excitement, of thrill, but it’s mellow now. Jaemin remembers that once he breaks off from Jeno, he’ll never get another chance like this. Maybe they won’t even be the same. These thoughts plant a seed of terror in both their minds, and it grows so much, it overwhelms them so much. For Jaemin, there’s the alcohol in his system too.

The first drop of tears stream down Jaemin’s cheeks smoothly. Jeno doesn’t see it at first, not until they have to break away to catch some air. He sees Jaemin crying, and he wonders what he did wrong. 

“Why are you crying again?” Jeno asks, worried out of his wits. He hugs Jaemin close, letting him bury his face in the crook of his neck.

“I’m in love with you,” Jaemin confesses. “But this is never going to work out, is it?”

Jeno can’t deny that it won’t. He and Jaemin can be friends, they can stay as friends, but it would have to end sooner or later. If they were to push past that, they’d have to break away from each other sooner than later. 

Jaemin doesn’t just love Jeno, he’s in love with him, and that’s never a good thing at an age like this. If they were men in their 30s who happened to meet each other at some noble event, or even in a dinky bar, maybe it could have lasted. They would be mature, with some of their problems already solved, some burdens relieved. 

But they’re young now. They have to grow on their own, fix their problems on their own, end their own chapters. There’s no time for being in love with Jeno, and there’s no time to love Jaemin.

“It’s not,” Jeno admits into the still air. 

Jeno admitting it himself makes him more devastated than he originally would have expected. Before him is Jaemin, someone who he has grown to care about deeply, someone who he allowed himself to worry over. But ever since day one, Jeno knew this couldn’t end well. 

“Just for tonight then,” Jaemin sniffles, “humour me.”

Jeno hugs Jaemin close before pushing himself up to stand. In mild fear, Jaemin clings onto Jeno by the shoulders as he’s carried to the bed. Jeno gently drops Jaemin on the pillows, hovering over him as he simply stares. He wipes Jaemin’s tears away, noticing Jaemin’s pupils dilating. 

“Tomorrow, I’m Na Jaemin; handsome, rich, and a soldier,” Jaemin speaks up with a small smile.

“And tomorrow, I’m Lee Jeno; handsome, rich, and a schmuck,” Jeno whispers back as he leans closer, a mimic of Jaemin’s expression plastered onto his face. 

What tomorrow comes with, is of tomorrow’s concern. 

* * *

#####  scene 14

The next morning comes as a shock to Jeno and Jaemin both. They woke up in each other’s embrace, skin bare, the sheets tangle messily in between their legs, but they’re quick to recover from whatever haze they were in the night before. The shocker of today isn’t the fact that they had sex but didn’t run away from it the next morning, it’s the sight of police cars parked out front of the school.

Jeno seems nervous, but when he sees Jisung getting dragged out in handcuffs, he feels relieved. Jisung screams out profanities at everyone, demanding to be released. When his eyes fall onto Jeno’s stationary figure, he grins.

“Jeno, I did it for you! Mark Lee was going to ruin you, wasn’t he? I took care of him for you.” Jisung breaks free from the policemen’s hold, trotting up to Jeno with a crazy grin upon his face. When Jeno turns back and reaches out for Jaemin, Jisung screams, “Look at me!” 

Jeno startles. He does as he’s told, he looks. He sees everything, from Jisung’s glower to his handcuffs, to the policemen forcing him to come back. Yet, he feels nothing. Once upon a time, maybe he would have felt something. He would have been slightly guilty, but he’s learnt to take responsibility only for what he’s supposed to. 

It’s Jisung’s fault that he’s delusional and thought murdering someone would impress Jeno. 

“You’re delusional,” Jaemin sounds out instead.

Jisung snaps his head to Jaemin. “Shut up, manwhore! No one talked to you!” 

Jaemin takes Jeno’s hand before tugging him along to get back in. Jisung screams as they walk off, demanding them to get back. They ignore him in favour of finding Haechan, wanting to hear answers before all else.

They don’t find him in the common room which puzzles them, but Chenle’s quick to point them to the garden outside. Sure enough, once they’re there, the sight of Haechan sitting in Renjun’s usual spot greets them. 

Haechan hears them of course. It’s so silent here save for some birds chirping around. 

“I can’t believe I got angry when Renjun wanted Jisung to prove his alibi.” Haechan laughs to himself—no, he laughs at himself.

“What happened?”

“I figured that if you two weren’t the direct killers, it must have been slightly related to you at the very least. After all, no one else had problems with Mark Lee,” Haechan turns to them, lazily explaining the whole thing. “And Jisung was so determined to be related to you in any way, Jeno, I thought maybe he’d know some stuff. Got him drunk two nights ago. The bloke wanted someone to know. As soon as I told him I wouldn’t tell anyone, he spilled everything he did.”

“I thought you wouldn’t sell your friends out,” Jaemin calmly takes the seat next to Haechan, sighing as he does so.

“Well, your friend talked some sense into me,” Haechan spares a glance at a solemn Jeno.

“Oh, man, I have to make it up to Renjun. He’s been through hell and back for something he didn’t do.” Haechan stands up, giving Jaemin a pat on the shoulder as he does so. “Sorry, Jaemin.”

“For what?” Jaemin makes a confused sound.

“For accusing you till the very end,” Haechan turns to Jeno, “and you, too.”

“Well, there’s that…” Jaemin sighs once Haechan has gone back in. 

Jaemin pushes himself off of the chair, joints popping as he stretches his limbs out. He offers Jeno a small smile as he pokes on a love bite barely peeking from beyond Jeno’s collar. 

“I’m going to get some rest.” Jaemin practically flies over the moon when Jeno smiles back in fondness. “I’ll, um, see you soon.”

Jeno nods, still with that smile. “I’ll see you soon, Jaemin.” 

Jaemin makes his way up to his room. He closes the door behind him by kicking it close before he free falls onto his bed. With his face buried in soft sheets, Jaemin grins like a lovesick idiot who’s just been proposed to. 

Jeno admitted it himself, they will never end well, but Jaemin’s happy to know that Jeno loves him back. How could he not be? It was intense. The whole night, his heart felt like it was going to jump right through his flesh and bone. His skin was on fire, his mind was dazed.

He’s always felt slightly vulnerable whenever he’s had to do it with anyone else, all the girls he’s picked up for a casual fling. Last night, however, he felt the safest he has been his whole life. Jeno made him feel safe, made him feel good, and made him experience the best sex he’s ever had.

Out of the blue, there’s a knock at his door. Jaemin answers it with the corner of his lips pulled up to his ears. Behind the door stands Lady Grace with a letter in her hands, her face gloomy as she hands Jaemin the letter.

“It’s from your father, he specifically requested this to be delivered as soon as possible.”

Jaemin takes it but he doesn’t read it right away. A letter from his father could only indicate that something bad has happened, and Jaemin isn't ready for that. He wants to revel in happiness, wants to experience contentment just a little longer. He doesn’t want to believe that this is the calm before the storm. 

Despite what he told Jeno about resting, Jaemin decides to barge into Jeno’s room. The startled expression that meets his eyes reminds him of last night, but he shakes the thought away. 

“Can you read this for me?” Jaemin offers the letter without any hesitation. He’s glad to get his hands off of it, truth be told. 

Jeno doesn’t question why or who as he rips the envelope open. The more time ticks on, Jeno’s expression visibly darkens, and Jaemin grows increasingly worried.

“Your mother’s bedridden. Your father wants you back home.” Jeno’s knuckles go white from the strong grip he has on that single slip of paper. “He’s pulling you out of Inverness. He’ll send a car this Friday.” 

“What?” Jaemin asks in surprise. “No, I don’t want to go.” 

“He also mentioned that if you don’t come along, he’d tell the school to kick you out anyway.” 

“Jeno, I don’t want to leave,” Jaemin murmurs, his thoughts muddled now that he has his hands tied. “I don’t want to go back there.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Jeno adds in, being honest for once at the worst possible time. 

“Jeno, I don’t want to be there anymore. I have no one there. Mother doesn’t know me, Father hates me, I have no siblings. Not even the maids like to be around me because one’s out of her mind and the other has a temper. I’m all alone there and I can’t go back, I just can’t—” 

“Calm down,” Jeno cuts in. He reaches out for Jaemin’s hands, gripping it tight in his. “Jaemin, you have to stop overthinking.” 

“I can’t just—” Jaemin cuts his scream off by huffing, before looking up at Jeno with teary eyes. “Stop telling me to stop overthinking, it doesn’t work that way!” 

“I’m sorry,” Jeno casts his eyes down, “I don’t know how else to make you feel better. I’m sorry.”

“I can’t stop overthinking!” Jaemin sniffles. “Here, I have you, but what happens when I go home is a living nightmare. I have no one, I’m alone, and I try to act like that’s fine by escaping, I read, but I can’t—I can’t pretend forever, Jeno! I’m scared, I’m terrified out of my fucking wits! They make me want to leave—” 

“You’re scared,” Jeno nods, “and it’s fine to be.”

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 15

Jaemin spends time packing in solitude. He doesn’t go to classes, he doesn’t see any of his little minions, he doesn’t see Jeno. He spends time moping when he’s not busy because it’s what he deserves. He barely has the energy to drink till he’s wasted, given the fact that he would have to leave his room to do that.

Jaemin simply enjoys the emptiness of now, knowing that the heartbreak of then would fragment him to no end. 

He goes down to the kitchen to get a glass of water on the wee morning of Friday and startles when he sees Jeno gulping a whole bottle down in one go. The man turns to him and chokes. He ends up bent in half as he coughs relentlessly to clear his throat.

“Jaemin, I’m glad to see you,” Jeno hits his chest a couple of times, his cough fading out to a smile. 

“Boxing?” Jaemin guesses what Jeno was doing after taking a look at his hand wraps and thin sleeveless shirt. 

“Yeah.” Jeno nods. “What have you been doing?”

“Nothing much, really,” Jaemin answers as he pours a glass of water for himself. “I’m just packing and mentally preparing myself.”

Jaemin leans against the counter as he stares up at Jeno. When he looks away, he still sees Jeno. He never wanted his life to be a sappy love story, but he never wanted it to be some other version of Romeo & Juliet either. He doesn’t want a tragedy.

“Jaemin, you can’t ignore me,” Jeno approaches him, reaching for his left hand to spread his fingers apart. His voice shakes, “Don’t ignore me. You and I know why.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

Jeno pulls Jaemin into his arms. He embraces Jaemin and lets his warmth convey the thoughts in his mind he’d never dream of voicing out. Jaemin rests his head on Jeno’s shoulder, sighing as he does so. He has regrets, and the current one that eats away at his heart is him leaving Jeno alone for the past few days. They don’t have much time now. 

“You’re going to be okay, Jaemin,” Jeno kisses the top of his head, “I just know it.”

“Can you promise me something, Jeno?” Jaemin speaks into his neck, his breath grazing Jeno’s nerves on fire.

“What is it?” 

“Make a friend. Not like Jisung, not like me. Not someone who takes one good look at your face and falls in love with you,” Jaemin says with a laugh. 

“I should,” Jeno agrees with a nod. 

“We did it wrong,” Jaemin points out. He gulps. “I’m sorry for fucking a lot of things up, including our friendship.”

“Friends can’t fall in love with each other.”

Loneliness comes to Jaemin like a soft prayer offered to the skies, when there’s no one to turn to but some higher power that watches over the world. It’s soft, and it’s harmless at first, but like all desperate soft prayers, it becomes louder each time. What comes as a response is silence, tranquility, but there’ll always be more coming soon. More prayers, more loneliness.

“Woah, my apologies for interrupting!” Another voice thunders in the silence, prompting Jaemin and Jeno to break away in surprise.

If it was the cook who saw them, they’d be thrown out and the principal would hear the news. Luckily, it’s just a very surprised Renjun.

“You’re back!” Jaemin straightens up, walking towards Renjun with a delighted expression.

“And you’re different…” Renjun trails off before smiling. “That’s nice.”

“I take it Jisung confessed? Is it why you’re back so soon?” Jeno speaks with pride, knowing he had a hand in helping Renjun get out of confinement. 

“Yes, or so I’ve heard.” Renjun purses his lips together into a straight line. Relief is painfully clear in the way his body slouches. “I also heard that I owe you two my life. Thank you. Now, I’ll leave you two alone.”

“We’ll see you around?” Jeno calls out.

“I’m your new roommate, Sir, I’ll see you every day.” Renjun laughs melodiously. “But I’ll see you around, Jaemin.”

“Yeah.” Jaemin offers a charming grin, holding himself back from telling Renjun he’s leaving soon.

Renjun sends them a knowing smile before leaving the kitchen for good. Jeno chuckles as he turns back to Jaemin, closing the distance between them once again. 

“Was about to invite you to my room, but I guess that won’t happen.” Jeno feigns disappointment. Then he visibly lights up. “Back to my cabin, then. I prepared something for you.”

“What something?” Jaemin tries his best to pry the answers out of Jeno, but doesn’t get it till they’re in the cabin.

Jeno lights the fireplace up, lays out his whole stash of alcohol on the table by the side, and turns on the dusty phonograph that’s been left alone all this while. He inserts a vinyl record and lets the music play. 

Jaemin remembers this song to be the one they danced to at the nightclub, in Neverland. 

The books he’s read thus far couldn’t have possibly prepared him for such an experience. His chest tightens the more he breathes. His skin burns from Jeno’s touch. 

“Who would have thought you’d be such a romanticist?” Jaemin teases Jeno, but goes along either way when Jeno starts to dance. “A handsome lad like you would sell out splendidly, even amongst the ladies across foreign seas.”

“Why should I when I have you before me on the land of Inverness?” 

Happy is such a simple word. Such a simple emotion. Yet, Jaemin cries at the sensation of it that prompts him to sway to the music. Half of him screams in anguish, wanting him to stop. Stop torturing himself, stop the happiness from manifesting into something much more than an emotion—something he doesn’t deserve to long for.

Another half of him feels, instead, the ache in his cheeks as he smiles for hours on end. That half of him takes note, instead, of how he simply adores Jeno’s smile—the curls that bloom in place of sharp eyes. 

They dance to the same song replayed on the phonograph time and time again. For hours, all Jaemin does is let himself go, letting them sway across the floor. They dance at half past 4 in the morning, just hours before Jaemin has to leave, and there’s no more than blessed giggles.

But, Jaemin thinks as he rests his head on Jeno’s shoulder with his eyes closed, that this is much more intimate than sex. 

Breaths mingling, dreams entwined in a single song, alcohol untouched. Just them. 

Jeno kisses Jaemin’s tears away. 

Jaemin thumbs Jeno’s tears away.

* * *

  
  


#####  scene 16

Renjun doesn’t question Jeno when he comes back from lessons to Jeno throwing a fit in the room. He watches as Jeno buries his face in his hands and sobs as brokenly as the chair he had just thrown across the room. He saw everything. Renjun saw.

He had looked on in genuine shock when Jaemin met his eyes while getting in the car this morning before class. He had caught a glimpse of Jeno turning in the corner of the hallways as he got back into the building. Renjun pieces two and two together by himself, and he can only imagine the pain two broken boys such as Jeno and Jaemin go through.

See, the misconception of ripping the bandage off the wound is that people forget the wound itself could scar. The pain would disappear eventually, no matter how long it takes, but wounds leave scars. It leaves memories of being disappointed; like a really bad fall that turned someone’s good day rotten.

“Jeno, will he come back?” Renjun tentatively asks.

“No,” Jeno’s voice quivers as he tries not to sob, “h-he won’t come back to me.” 

Renjun doesn’t mean to rub salt into an open wound, but he really has to ask, “Do you want him to come back?” 

“I want him to come back.” Jeno nods, face crumpling as another set of tears rolls down the ridges of his cheeks. 

“I want him back.” 

“There were so many things I could have done right.”

“I should have befriended him way sooner.” 

“I should have kissed him first.”

“I shouldn’t have been so scared if I knew.” 

“If I knew sooner—”

Jeno stutters on a breath. Like a child, he wails as he curls up on himself in the middle of the mess he’s made. Like a child, Jaemin wails as he looks ahead at the road back home.

At the end of the day, they’re two broken halves of a whole. So fitting, complementary towards one another, but broken nevertheless. 

“He left you this,” Renjun hands Jeno a book he’s been holding since this morning. Jaemin hastily asked him to pass it to Jeno before the car drove him away. 

It’s a book, and inside, as Jeno reads, is a story about them. Seeing the handwriting, Jeno easily recognises it to be Jaemin’s. More tears are shed as he reads through their most special moments told in Jaemin’s point of view. Like a diary, but written as a novel of sorts. 

The last chapter, however, is what finally brings Jeno to his last straw. He didn’t know what devastation felt like, or what it exactly meant, but when he read the end of the book, he had the chance to feel it hit him in his chest. 

_ “Mother was bedridden, Father said, but I knew what it meant as easily as seeping a breath in through gritted teeth. That’s what I did. I took a deep breath in with my jaw clenched. Bedridden meant she’s dying, and she won’t die till I get there. Not till Friday morning when I’ll be picked up, not till Saturday morning when I’d reach the manor.  _

_ Till the very end, Mother chose to torture me. While she lived, she threw me to the side, till she’s ready to leave for good. On her way out, she’d look for me, want me back in her life, and make me cry. Like a good child, I’m expected to receive this with open arms. _

_ I was no less than a servant to them. _

_ They gave me life, and they have already decided when to take it back. _

_ I won’t let them. _

_ I hope, when I take my life with my own hands and have my eyes closed, I’d see Jeno smiling down at me with tears in his eyes. He sees me as I see him. I hope, during my last moments, I’d feel safe like I was when he held me in his arms. _

_ I hope that I’d feel as happy as I was when we danced in the solitude of his cabin. Just him and me. I pray, when I close my eyes and slip away, that I’d see myself in Sicily, with a drink in my hand, and a smiling Jeno next to me.  _

_ I love him. With all of my heart, I do.” _

Three weeks later, Jeno receives a telegram. 

He breaks. 

**Author's Note:**

> as i have tagged, this is an ambiguous ending. i did not specify from whom jeno received the telegram or why :) 
> 
> facts and scenes i couldnt fit in:
> 
> 1) jeno started loving jaemin first. jeno loved jaemin so much more than either of them realised and it was too late when he did. 
> 
> 2) jisung was always watching them from the sidelines and he was extremely jealous, he even thought of killing jaemin, but he's always surrounded by people or jeno so it was quite impossible
> 
> 3) haechan planned to let jisung go, but he had seen how distraught jaemin was after being excused of wanting mark lee to die, and thought that he had to do the right thing
> 
> 4) i almost planned to set this in 1930s instead of 1920s and end it with relations to the war, but thats too much and i think i would have cried even more writing this.
> 
> 5) this took about 16 days after my friend was done with her interactive au, and wow thats the fastest ive written a fic this long, i was very invested in this storyline.
> 
> as always i would really really appreciate all comments no matter how long it is, no matter how short it is. for this one especially, i'd love to see your interpretations of endings :) hope you liked it!
> 
> my [IG](https://www.instagram.com/warmdaelight/) | [TWT](https://twitter.com/jenoryy)  
> my friend's interactive au part [1](https://www.instagram.com/p/CB5qD6dH5iF/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link%22), [2](https://www.instagram.com/p/CCBcD69nJcT/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link%22), [3](https://www.instagram.com/p/CCLtiWOH_b1/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link%22), [4](https://www.instagram.com/p/CCYvwncnF6S/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link%22), [5](https://www.instagram.com/p/CC6FmjrH_oG/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link%22), [6](https://www.instagram.com/p/CDbkFxEH6xi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link), and [7](https://www.instagram.com/p/CEetkdRHR4C/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link)


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